Tag: emotional manipulation

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So you think you know about Yahoo Boys and Romance Scams? Part 4

Yahoo boys or Gee boys have their hands in with many scams. New ways of making quick money are being tested all the time and once something is found as successful, it will be shared amongst scammers in their world and used by everyone-they are known as ‘updates’.

Here are some of the current, popular scams to look out for:

Sugar Daddy/Mummy(Mommy)/Baby Scams

Social media profiles will be set up for Sugar Scams.

Scammers will use anyone’s pictures for these, they don’t need lots for the long game. They will be surfing for any profile picture on any profile to fit the bill. Some groups do love the beautiful Alexandra Rodriguez who is often used as ‘Mommy Heather’.

These scams work by drawing in people who are financially strapped with the premise of being ‘spoilt’ as a sugar baby. I’ve seen these pages target students too. How do the scammers make money? They tell you there is an attorney fee to set up the agreement. Not only that, they will collect your details of Cash App, PayPal or other ‘to pay the money to’ where they will attempt hacking for other scams. ‘Formats’ (in Part 1) are available to the scammers for these scams.

Grant Scams

Grant scams are ongoing and take advantage of any situation going on in that country, or world at the time. The current pandemic has been a blessing for the scammers in many ways. Bottom line here, no organisation handing out money in grants is going to randomly contact you over social media or ask people to contact others for them.

Always do your own research, do not click the link, message the email or text the number they give you. This holds for any text, email or phone call you receive. These details are pre-planned fake websites or call centres (they will reroute home country numbers which are readily available thanks to new services). You will simply be following their scam process. Always put your own search in and get a number/email independently.

 

 

They are collecting your information for identity theft (Social Security Numbers, National Insurance Numbers, bank details, phone numbers) and in the process getting a fee to set up the grant payments.

Google Voice Scams

Scammers need phone numbers to execute their scams. They need numbers in the countries they want to scam in (or open bank accounts or other in), not phone numbers from Africa. Historically, they will ask victims to send Sim Cards and phones as part of the Romance scam. Pickers will be in place to take shipments before sending them out to Africa, unless of course the story from the scammer has put them there. How else can they get them?

Fortunately for scammers, there are now multiple ways. Electronic numbers can be got online through many apps but only local to your country-step in pickers and other victims, but also through Google Voice. Registered phone numbers are far more valuable to scammers as they will be accepted for opening bank accounts and other benefit system frauds.

One way scammers use Google Voice is to scan the likes of private sellers sites such as Craig’s List and Gumtree. They look for items for sale with a listed phone number, the scammer will text asking if the item is still available. On getting a response, the scammer will say they would like to check ‘you’ are not a scammer and say they have put your number through a checking app to check it’s a legitimate number with no bad debt etc listed against it. An OTP (one time password) will be sent and victim asked to please forward the code or screenshot, to them to verify the information.

What you are actually sending is a password to hand over your number to the scammer on Google Voice. Once in possession of that number, the scammer can use it to open online bank accounts and also access lots of other numbers.

 

This process is used in other scams too. Don’t ever send an OTP to a stranger (or any one you have never met or know in person).

Cash App Scams

Cash App along with Zelle, PayPal, Venmo and others offer immediate transfer of funds to another party.

Private seller scams

Using private sellers lists again, scammers will contact in response to an item they claim to wish to purchase. Once agreement is made, funds need to be exchanged. If cash app hasn’t been used before by the client, they have an upper hand advantage from the start.

Cash app only allows transfers in and out of the account for a limit of sending $250 per 7 days and receiving $1000 per 30 days. Increasing these limits only happens through verification of your identity.

Scammers will claim the account limit needs to be increased (expanded) for the transaction to take place due to limits. They claim this can be done through the app by ‘building’ the limit between buyer and seller. Emails are sent from a fake customer service website to confirm the instructions along with notification messages and alerts.

Emails and notifications are passed backwards and forwards to build trust with the victim.

Note the .ng domain address on the website/email. This is Nigeria.

Here the victim instructed the postmaster not to release the parcel until she gave conformation of the payment being credited to her account. The address the package was to be sent to was in New York. This will have been a picker, hired by the scammers knowingly or unknowingly (employment scams, romance scams, paid mules) to collect the package before passing it on to Nigeria. Unfortunately the post master sent the package before confirmation.

The scam continued:

 

The victim did not send any money or gift cards but a few days later the scammer taunted her by showing the Fedex delivery tracker and a video of the Nigerian holding her ring.  They tried again to get more money saying the ring could be returned if she paid for shipping.

She showed the scammer all the evidence I had found of the fake account and the stolen identity of the elderly lady used in the scam. It’s with the police but unfortunately she is very unlikely to see any of her money or possessions again.

Other Cash App scams 

Cash Flip and  Prize Giveaways are other common Cash App scams.

The businesses do offer this service to customers for promotional purposes on occasion and the scammers are quick to jump on these situations to extort money. More on these two Cash App scams can be found here

Please only ever contact these apps for support through the in app contact system. Too many scammers have very well thought out fake websites and call centres to look like the real thing. 

Puppy/Kitten deposit scams

Many of these scams follow a similar pattern, the subject of the scam will simply change so that they can maximise the opportunities to exploit. Puppies and Kittens create a good opportunity for money making in scams, especially when advertising as a quality breed.

I should say here that scams using Puppies and Kittens for scams are abundant in all countries, carried out by heartless criminals who are out to make fast money without thought to the welfare of the animals. You should always seek advise from a vet for a registered breeder or preferably get a pet from a rescue as there are plenty needing homes.

Here, I am concerned with the type of scam conducted over the internet, where the animals are simply virtual and do not in reality even exist.

Fake websites and social media profiles are used to set up these scams.

One is shown here.

Things might not look wrong on first look, bar a gramma mistake on paperwork’s’.

However, the fact this profile messaged first and just a simple search on the pictures, shows this for what it is.

A key phrase here raises red flags. ‘I’m a good and sincere person.’ are words used in romance scams to build trust.
Always screen shot a few images to run through a reverse search. The results can save you money and heart break.
The reverse image search showed that the image has been taken from the internet. These puppies are not for sale.

As the scam continues, the scammer may even send a video (taken from the internet), then a deposit will be asked for. Using Cash App or other, details will be passed and funds transferred to secure the puppy or kitten. The money is lost and the scammer disappears.

Landlord/Rental deposit scams

Using the same technique above,  the scammers will watch legitimate websites for properties going up for rent.

They create private listings with the pictures but with the monthly rental price at a significantly reduced rate. They will claim that they previously had the property with an agent but the fees were too high so now they are renting privately. The agent is just being slack removing the listing.

Documents can be replicated to share and build trust before asking for the deposit to be paid. The old saying goes here, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

The deposit and likely first month payment will be asked for in advance as is common with property rental. Scams like this have been found targeting students in particular who are looking for a good deal on limited money. This money will be lost.

Always use a verified agent or meet the person face to face with full identity when venturing into these transactions.

Employment scams

Scammers will get onto college websites or even websites for single mums and similar. Email extractor tools are used to extract the emails registered on that website. The scammers will then bomb the emails with adverts for part time virtual work and work from home opportunities.

The wage is paid by fraudulent bank transfer or cheque in excess of the agreed wage. The picker will announce the mistake and ask for the extra paid money to be returned via gift card or other.

By the time the ’employee’ realises from the bank that the original transaction was in fact a scam transaction, the picker and the scammer are gone.

This method of extracting money is used across the scamming world including call centre scams, but this type- often technical support scam will gain access to the victims computer through screen share software to make them think the bank transaction of a refund has actually gone through at a higher rate and needs to be returned.

Hacking accounts

Scammers do business, and part of that business is hacking accounts, all types of accounts.

Older Facebook accounts are really popular with scammers because of many reasons. One, they look more authentic than a freshly made account with the joining date being historic on the profile. Two, ready made friends list who may or may not be close to the real owner. Three, these older accounts are mainly created in a country not on the ‘watchlist’ and are much harder to get removed through reporting. These accounts are offered for sale in the groups.

How do they get these?

As said previously, Romance Scams are not always about instant money. Sometimes the scammer is focused on collecting facebook accounts or other information for other scams. Sometimes they will come at a victim from more than one perspective, as different identities, to collect more and different information. When money isn’t asked for the victims tend to trust more but the scammers are just as dangerous. They will be building trust and ‘phishing’ for your details for identity theft and other things to earn them money.

Hackers may create the same narrative with a victim and even send them their own bank details with login (of a fake account) to show their trust and love for a victim (or friend). They might use this as a way to get the victim to send a One Time Password (OTP) alert maybe of a ‘login from another device’ from information such as a phone number or email used to access and sign in to a facebook account or email account. The victim will be told it’s to verify their number or email with the bank. The victim sends it to the scammer and the scammer has the password to verify themselves on the social media account or email etc..

The scammer can then change passwords from inside the account settings and lock the victim out.

If an email has been hacked, the scammer will now phish for other information useful in scams. Some of these scams will be for bigger fraud such as online benefit applications where the scammer has collected the required information for submitting a claim in that persons name with their personal details. You can read more here about this kind of fraud.

Other hacked accounts include Sporty Bet accounts where pre loaded cards are available for using.

There are many more scams that are constantly evolving from ones like these. Please be very aware of any one that contacts you or deals that seem too good to be true. Never click links or give a One Time Password or verification code to anyone you don’t know personally. Never use given phone numbers or web-links to confirm what you are being told, always do a search yourself for these numbers, emails or contact details or access the contact us section within an app.

 

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So you think you know about Yahoo Boys and Romance Scams? Part 3

When a victim realises what is going on, maybe a friend has broken through the conditioning instilled by the scammer or they have come across other profiles with the same pictures or completed a reverse image search, they will likely confront the scammer.

The scammer will not take this laying down and just go away.

Guilt will be heaped on the victim to start with. ‘How you can you not trust me after everything we’ve been through?’ are words all victims will hear. ‘The scammers have been stealing my pictures for years, I just don’t know how to deal with it anymore, now they’ve taken you too.’

When this doesn’t have effect, they can turn nasty.

  • Sextortion. If intimate images have been extorted (male or female), the blackmail will likely ensue. Blocking their number won’t do anything. scammers have untold amounts of numbers for any country at their disposal from other victims and other scams (more later) and the victim will likely be bombarded. This does depend on the experience of the scammer and the size of the group they are working in.

New identities will randomly start connecting and contacting, threats of posting your pictures online, sending them to family and friends unless money is sent. Never think sending them money will stop them-it will bait them to blackmail you more. The Australian authorities at Scamnet have produced an excellent advice document for incidents where this happens. I send it to victims I talk to all the time. You can read it here. 

Facebook also offer a service for non-consensual sharing of images that have or have threatened to be shared on their platform. You can find their help here.

There are several follow up scams that the scammers will try. Don’t become a repeat victim. These scams are the most popular but by no means the only ones they will try and things evolve constantly.

  • Scam compensation services. A contact will offer compensation to recover lost money  and, or catch the scammer to get justice for their wrongdoing. This maybe headed up by ‘law enforcement’ organisations or ‘private investigation’ style companies. These are also set up as pages on social media. Do not be fooled. These do not exist.
  • Fallen in love. The scammer will sometimes state that they fell in love with you through the scam. They will say it’s never happened  but the connection with you was too strong. They will send their real pictures, finally make that video call, say they wish they could turn back time and start a fresh now that he’s been honest. They have introduced victims to family. Their only aim is to get a visa out of there and more money.
  • Medical emergency. Some victims have had calls with a crying scared ‘family member’ claiming the scammer has tried to commit suicide due to the guilt felt from the scamming. Can you help with hospital costs. Having thought you were in a real relationship with this person and the fact they target kind and empathetic people in the first place, the temptation to believe this can be strong. Don’t.
  • Wife Beater. Some victims have reported that a woman calls saying the scammer is their husband and that she is being beaten, especially after his failure to continue the scam with you. She will say she wants to escape and asks for help to do so.
  • Facing jail. Some victims have reported that the scammer or a friend calls to say they are facing jail. They know they have done wrong but now the family they provide for face poverty because they will not be there. Can you help to pay the police to let them off.
  • Money Mule blackmail threat. Scammers have been known to load the victims bank account with funds after they are caught. they will then threaten to inform the authorities you are a mule, if the money isn’t sent back via Bitcoin or gift cards. Victims panic and sometimes do as the scammers ask.

The suckers list.

Scammers will put your details on a list of people who have been willing to chat, taken money to look after (unknowing money mule) or part with money. You will find the fake accounts keep finding you.

Here are some tips to break the cycle.

  • Change your phone number and email
  • Come off of social media for a few weeks and on return, change your profile pictures to new unknown ones. A name change, (variations etc) where possible and user name change where applicable.
  • Make sure your profiles are completely set to private including past profile pictures and photo albums.

Ensure that you report your fraud to the relevant authority for your country. Although rare, there are occasions where enough evidence is reported for investigations to take place and arrests are made. For you to be inline for any share of money recovered, your name needs to be on that list of victims. Local police are really not interested and too many victims report being laughed at by these officers. It is not ok and shows their ignorance at the sophistication and emotional manipulation that can come with these scams.

Here is a list of web-links to report your fraud in your country. If your country is not here, let me know and I will try and find or for you.

Australia click here

Canada click here

Europe click here

India click here

Malaysia here

Philippines here 

Singapore click here

South Africa click here

United States here

Things can feel really really dark and hopeless after an experience with a scammer.  Facing reality is sometimes too much and many victims can feel suicidal. You are not alone. There is always someone to talk to. It’s important to know that you can come and chat and not be judged or feel ashamed about what has happened to you. The hardest step is acceptance and letting go. The next phase is the fight back. We don’t let them win.

In Part 4,  where your information can be used and other scams of the Yahoo Boys.

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So you think you know about Yahoo Boys and Romance Scams? Part 2

Scammers will nearly always come up against a client who has started to mistrust through the process. It’s then time to put more effort to regain trust before the chance to exploit has gone.

In the past, the only options available was some very questionable photoshopping. However, technology advances at speed and for good or bad, these scammers will utilise this to their advantage.

Editing Services.

As the scam progresses, trust issues need to be resolved when doubts arise, especially when money has been asked for. This is where the editing services step in. Some will pay/trade for an experienced editor to do this for them, others will have a go themselves. Results may vary…

The editors not only create fake Id’s and photoshop images with a required note, they also create legal documents, plane tickets, invoices and other things needed to continue the scam and exploit the victim.

Taking it further

Fake websites will also be created where a link can be sent to the victim to back up the story being told, with Linked In profiles to match. Click these links to see what they are like:

Dr Michael Kent

This fake website uses the pictures of Dr Michael Miroshnik, Australian Plastic Surgeon as the CEO of a hospital.

Rolinsons Construction

This fake website used ‘up for rent’ properties found on the web as their contact addresses in both England and Canada.

The phone numbers and emails are attached to the scammers for authenticity. This website is likely shared with Ivory Coast Scammers who have French as their primary language and often claim to be from Quebec.

Wiki pages have been created as well to back up the information wanting to be recognised by the scammers against the real person’s history. The Wiki pages which mimic the real ones in appearance, will have the link sent to the victim who then believes they are looking at a real page.

English speaking ‘clients’ may recognise grammatical and spelling errors but unfortunately scammers target everyone and those with English as a second language or even using translate are unlikely to pick up mistakes.

Fake Video Calls

‘If they won’t video call they are a scammer…’

This is what victims have been told for such a long time and in part, some of this holds true. However, with advances in technology the scammers now have a way to build trust further.

Once upon a time they would hold a phone playing a video of the supposed person (there are usually plenty of snippets available on the person’s social media or better still stories, which then disappear) to the camera on a laptop. It was really poor quality but with an excuse for this being bad internet (including it cutting out after a few seconds) it was sometimes enough to convince the victim that the moving person was really on the other side of that screen. Military scams used this particularly well as victims are being told they in remote areas. Now, apps are available to create ‘prank video calls’ which are relished by the scammers to create a better quality experience.

There are tutorials everywhere (click here for one). Scamming made easier with the help of technology. (Please ignore BJ Campbell’s comment, who is not the person you want to be online dating with as he thinks fake video calls are invaluable).

However, the scammers cannot yet make the video answer questions  you might pose but voice overs are getting better so look out for the lip synching. An advantage for them is that scamming someone with a different language makes this all the easier.

This has become an essential part of the game and tutorials on how to do this is one of the services offered in the groups.

 

Also available are voice changing apps for the scammer to be two people at once or a child. Ivory coast scammers use village children to talk to clients as they already speak French but when convincing a client what a good mum they’ll be or a child asking for help or wanting to come and live with you, for English or other languages, the voice changer works for them. Technology is getting better all the time and depending on the size of the group (and the money to access better technology) the better the quality will be.

Collecting the money

Things will usually start small. Asking for gift cards of various descriptions has become the normal as a tester for the scammers. They then exchange the gift cards for cash with a ‘reputable’ hustler for Naira or other currency.

Amounts asked for may increase along with the story posed by the scammer. The various scams within ‘romance fraud’ have been mentioned in Part 1. (read here if you haven’t).

Now enter… ‘The Loaders and The Pickers‘

Romance scams, can be stand alone scams however, the victims can also be part of something much bigger.

Yahoo boys do not just ‘dabble’ in extorting money from vulnerable people looking for love.

Business email compromise (BEC).

This is a much larger fraud where scammers are defrauding businesses by setting up bank accounts where money is unknowingly transferred by organisations on request of a fraudster posing as the CEO to these accounts in their control. The starting process for these phishing scams and spamming comes from Russia and Eastern Europe, who sell leads to the Social scammers of West Africa. That scratches the surface, the sums lost are in the billions.

Where do victims of romance fraud come in? These huge scams need to have the money they exploit, cleaned before it is sent back to Africa and the fraudsters. Money mules are used to do this. These mules (Pickers) have several roles.

Some will know exactly what they are doing and paid for the job. They will often be resident citizens in the country being exploited and work for a percentage of the ill gotten gains. These criminals will set up bank accounts, PayPal accounts, any other digital cash transfer accounts using stolen identities (courtesy of other phishing scams including Romance Scams, where they are collecting all and every scrap of your details) and also send cash directly to other mules.

Most of these applications and organisations have criteria to block accounts being opened by the likes of Nigeria or money sent to these countries, so they have become creative in how to get the money back to them. It also means the trail of the stolen money is made ever more difficult to trace, if not impossible. Large sums of money also meet criteria for investigation by the likes of the FBI, the scammers know this, so stolen funds are split into smaller packages, ‘The Loaders’ then load accounts with the funds ready to transfer.

In some cases, several mules will be used to transfer the money from one place to the next. However, every time a mule is used, the scammers lose a cut of the money.

Romance scam victims can be used for free.

Built into those stories created by the scammers will be opportunities where victims are asked to ‘look after some money’. Some victims wont ever be asked for money themselves, just occasionally doing a favour for the guy they fell in love with when he gets stuck while working abroad. These victims become unknowing money mules (Pickers).

 

The Loader and Pickers are used across a wide variety of scams. They will be called on when needed. The Loaders tend to take the biggest cut as their job is most risky.

Many processes are being tested for ‘cashing out‘ . Gift cards remain a favourite because it removes the mules and the scammer gets a bigger cut of the money. Apps such as Cash App are liked for their ability to convert to Bitcoin which becomes untraceable, however with Bitcoin and other digital currency being banned in Nigeria and other West African countries, they are on the look for new processes constantly, so the game is always changing. AliPay is used in China, Zelle within businesses. New apps are out all the time and they will find ways to exploit them. People like this will show the scammers how to use them:

 

In Part 3, what happens when the scammers are caught out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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So you think you know about Yahoo Boys and Romance Scams? Part 1

The last few months have been an eye opener.

As I research more on the new scams that are surfacing, I stumbled across some groups on facebook. These groups with variants of the title ‘Yahoo Boys Association’ became the hub points of my disbelief and horror, not only that Facebook are openly allowing these to even exist but the content which showed me the inside life of scammers. These scammers in particular being those from predominately West Africa, home of Yahoo Boys.

The name ‘Yahoo boy’ came from the original 419 email scams that emerged on the inception of this form of communication, Section 419 being the Nigerian cybercrime law which makes internet fraud a criminal offence. Most are not worried about this law however as the police are mainly ‘hustlers’ themselves, so a scammer revealed. Other names are ‘Gee boys’ and ‘Sakawa Boys’ as known in Ghana.

It became more obvious than ever, that whatever size you think this industry might be, you need to think bigger. Much bigger. Then you need to multiply that by 100 or more, that might start to scratch the surface.

From the posts in their groups I’ve researched their ‘offered services’ and scams where advice is sought for getting money from any snippet of information they get their hands on. Some of these will seem obvious however, many will not. I’ve done the research so you don’t have too.

The Smooth Talkers

Most of you will know these. These are the front line scammers that talk directly to the targets. They call you clients. To them, this is business. They will initiate conversation in many ways:

  • Friend requests followed by messaging on any social media (Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, Tik Tok etc)
  • Direct Messaging on any social media without requests (as above)
  • Dating platforms-paid and free
  • Messaging through ANY chat facilities on ANY online platform including games such as Wordzee, Scrabble, Song pop etc
  • Replying on public posts to comments as way of connecting to something said.

As a scammer’s job it’s known as ‘bombing’. 

Many whose English is poor will use formats, another scammer’s job. These are pre-scripted conversations designed to suit any situation the front man (or group) either chooses to use for bombing (dating, military, oil rig/construction/contractor/civil engineering) or the process they have chosen to use to extort money from the client.

Screen shot taken from a You Tube video, where tutorials on scamming are abundant.

Introductions will be copy and pasted on mass to as many targets as they can keep track of. You’ll notice if ever you happen across one that asking them a question not within the predicted script can prove problematic. Construction, Engineering (marine, oil gas), Oil rig workers, UN workers and the never ending Peace keeping missions in Syria of the military, all have their own formats. There are others but all come attached to a sob story of being orphaned themselves (or far to far away from any estranged family member) widowed/ divorced with a child (or two), wife/husband killed in a car crash ( as might have their parents) or died of cancer (or covid) for example. Of course, this means you will become the only person they can trust and turn to.

The more experienced scammers with a good grasp of English are far more plausible and far more dangerous.

You will inevitably be asked to move with speed, onto Hangouts or What’s app (as the favourites) but don’t think offerings of other chat apps are safe. Many are venturing to use Viber, IMO, Signal, Line, KIK, Telegram, ICQ, Skype chat. The loud message is, if they ask you to leave the platform for another facility, there is an ulterior motive. This is mainly to avoid losing the client when their profiles are deleted but also to avoid detection through app algorithms picking up key words, the client noticing them still online after the professed amazing connection and other women making loving comments on the pictures. They will often say they have deleted the profile because they have met you but in reality they have blocked you.

Depending on the size of the group the scammers are working in (either for cartel/mafia-esque style groups, smaller groups in the village or city, as a friendship group or individuals) will depend on how the scam continues. Some will do most of the process themselves, most will work as a team, allowing whoever does each particular part of the process best to take over when needed. Some groups or individuals will have the required skills to not enlist the help of others (which can cost them or they have to trade for that skill). These services are sold or traded within these groups. When the scammer feels it’s time to test the water (which can be ridiculously quickly or surprisingly lengthy and by this I mean there have been some I know have talked for over 3 years without being asked because the experienced ones will just listen for a hint of a story where money may finally be mentioned or be using them simply for and unknowingly laundering money) the next phase kicks in.

‘Billing’ (the client) the term given to the format speech used to extort the money also comes in many forms, ranging from I Tunes and gift cards of many types-STEAM and Green Dot being the latest trend, to fees of the boarding school for their child, who they have no other choice but to send there as they are in the military etc. This is also a ploy used to launder money, asking if money can be kept safe by ‘the client’ until the fees are due, then asking it to be passed on. Investment formats for billing in a new or expanding business are also used. The scammers will go to great lengths to make this look real (more later in taking it further). For military scams this may be for requesting leave, early withdrawal from the tour, supplies.

Package/consignment scams are very popular where a bogus package is reported as being sent and the client is to pay for any import taxes due on receipt and for shipping in the first place. The package may be reported to be presents for the client or receipt of possessions of the scammer’s fake identity. Plane tickets for the longed for meeting are another way to extort money within the romance scam. You will, prior to this, have been bombarded with attention and affection, even potentially had flowers, pizza sent to you (great for getting your address and building trust).

Again here, the experience of the scammer to read the situation and adapt will be the clients downfall. New hustlers won’t always be so lucky and ask for help in these groups:

Others will offer ‘Yahoo Plus and Yahoo Plus Plus’ services to help them on their way…

Yes you are reading that right. Read more here on ‘Yahoo Plus’ and ‘Yahoo Plus Plus’

In Part 2, 3 and 4, how they strengthen the deception. How they use other information collected through the game to continue to scam and what happens when they are caught out.

 

 

 

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Come and join the pages!

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been absent on here for a while except for answering emails but that doesn’t mean I’ve been absent from continuing my work for this cause.

The website is proving difficult to display all the scammers I am exposing so I’ve been working on other ways to warn others of these on other platforms and they are on every platform…more on that soon.

So, I’ve set up a Facebook Page: @catchthecatfish

An Instagram Page: @catchthecatfish123

You Tube Channel

Twitter also has the videos: @AnnaRowe123

Please come and subscribe to your preferred platform to see daily posts on all things relating to Catfishing, Romance Fraud and other scams.

Kind regards

Anna

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We crossed paths in a support group. J’s experience of a Catfish.

This email arrived from ‘J’ before Christmas. It had me in tears and her words stayed with me all day. This eloquent and heart felt account of the reality of victims of Catfish tells of the emotion spinning manipulations endured at their hands. Thank you so much for sharing this J. It will help others so much knowing their feelings are not unusual.

I sought first to understand with an open mind, wanting to believe the best in you. Wanting to believe the picture you still paint for me.

But I also read and heard one story after the next, about men and women who have been devastated by online fraudsters.

And the ones about love-bombing catfish, who devise scams for money, really hit hard for me.

Many of those victims I learned from have spent years searching their scammers alias online, as they try to move through the impact their predator had on their lives.

But I simply can’t do this.

I am already exhausted.

There is no justice in a world where you pretend nothing happened, while I wait for you to admit that it did. It’s time to move on for me.

This is my letter of truth. One that I hope will also demonstrate to other men and women who have been through the emotional abuse of being deceived and exploited for someone else’s gain that, just because their offender will not admit what they have done, and just because they believed the lies they were fed, does not mean one has to forever question their reality or live with this alone. We are not losing our minds: gaslighting is a real manipulation that can fool anyone. It can make you distrust your own instincts.

I wish I could just walk away and say I should choose who I let into my life better, but your ruthlessly calculated and deceptive pursuit of me, and effort you go about hiding all of it mean you must start behaving better.

I get that the worldwide web and social media remain poorly regulated, but that doesn’t give me or anyone else permission to find ways to exploit that.

And this is certainly not how I wanted to handle my closure, an honest and fully detailed apology from you would have sufficed while I waited for you to repay me. The fact that you are intelligent enough to operate at the level you already do offers plenty indication and hope you could succeed at other opportunities for scratch, it makes me wonder if you’ve ever heard the saying “an honest days work for an honest days pay”.

I know now there are others like me at varying degrees, who I would never ask to take up the task of being so loud at hand towards you.
It is precisely the attempts to downplay what I tried to confront, convince me I am wrong which brings me to this letter. I am writing factual truths here, and will accept any legal ramifications that would result from what I have said in this letter.

This is not the type of writing someone in the throes of “psychosis” or loss of sanity would create. People don’t just run down their hall and throw up upon learning the truth about their relationship with someone. This is real.

We crossed paths in a support group. Intended to be a safe place for communicating about the moments or events people struggle with in their lives. Now I know support groups have become places for catfish or other fraudsters to take advantage of vulnerability. To hear of someone’s most intimate struggles, while at the same time knowingly inflicting more pain onto them… for money.

There is not one decent excuse for that.

And yet, you have used my struggles as a weapon against me, exploited them as a solid “pray for her” she is crazy out of her mind backstory. But I care more about preventing women from being fed through your grinder, than I do what they think of my sanity. At the end of the day I have helped others avoid being tangled up before they could thank me. Even one beautiful, trusting and caring soul left feeling confused and alone with a smaller bank account is too many.

It was upon learning the version you tell, as to why I was reaching out to women, that I finally realised you are still working harder at keeping these secrets hidden than you are at finding an honest way to rebuild.

Kind, nice people treat others as they would like to be treated. They do not make up having the same interests, or fabricate information about themselves in order to get women to think you are like-minded persons for selfish reasons. They don’t pretend they are unmarried while just returning back from their honeymoon.

You had a preface to your game: do not be resentful or spiteful. Never lie to you. Don’t fight with you and don’t hurt you. Many of the rules were broken from day 1 while you had already waged an undeclared war on my human psyche. But now we talk about repentance and forgiveness because it is convenient. My actions to those I have hurt, who deserved better, is what it means to make things right. Not words.

Before I learned there were others, while my reality was based on your reactions, it was hard to believe my recount of events… of things I heard and felt and saw with my very own eyes. So I’m being serious when I say excuse me in advance if not everyone who reads this has encountered you at this level. But I know what happened to me. And I had to investigate and fight so hard to uncover what I knew was true but was told by you I was inaccurate about. Down to scientific facts.

At best, you made a very premeditated effort to deceive and manipulate a woman capable of offering money to you. At best, you made a joke out of my hopes and dreams and personality. Maybe you thought that a Scarlet letter would shame me from reaching this point. I am not ashamed of being human with emotions, and at the time, a profound naivety that led me where I am.
I like to think you have chosen a temporary deplorable career path. But that doesn’t change the reality that I type this as one of your victims, and there’s no more time left in me for silence. What looks to you as harassment and stalking is a victim desperately searching for answers. Trying to take back their human dignity in knowing that this was never about them.

One of the more harsh and impactful damages that result from being victim of an online romance fraud is this perceived loss in the value of humanity. A sense of isolation, fear, shame and humiliation all at once, in moments where it used to seem intuitive to open up to other people. Now there’s an incessant nagging level of self-doubt…that I will miss some sign of a predator in disguise and my naivety or poor judgement will cause me to regret an introduction to a new face. There’s this need to recover without the closure to begin.

Until today.

But then again maybe God has put it on my heart to stop you from this… and to help others do the same, should they find themselves duped by a con artist who thinks they can do and say anything to exploit what they want in life. – J

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Love Bombing-The Hooking Technique Part 1

Love Bombing-what is it?

Psychologists describe this best. There are hundreds of sites that detail this process but two sites (given at the bottom of this post), made me continually stop reading, as they had the ability to evoke so many ‘ahh moments’. I had obviously never heard of ‘Love Bombing’ but now recognise it as a major part of the Catfish grooming technique, whether used by a personal catfish where this process maybe natural to them, or as a script by the financial fraudsters. Most of this content is detailed from these, as they are the experts.

It seems that this term was first spoken about by members of the Unification Church of the United States (sometimes known as “Moonies”). In the 1970s, their founder and leader Sun Myung Moon said:

“Unification Church members are smiling all of the time, even at four in the morning. The man who is full of love must live that way. When you go out witnessing, you can caress the wall and say that it can expect you to witness well and be smiling when you return. What face could better represent love than a smiling face? This is why we talk about love bomb; Moonies have that kind of happy problem.”

Well known cult leaders Jim Jones, Charles Manson, and David Koresh weaponised love bombing, using it to con followers into committing mass suicide and murder. Pimps and gang leaders use love bombing to encourage loyalty and obedience as well.

Some have tried to use it in a positive way and in some respects, research has shown it can be. 

But here we are looking at it in a relationship situation, and more importantly, as part of the grooming technique for Catfish.

How Love Bombing Works

Love bombing is the act applied to influence another person with displays of attention and affection. We’re not just talking about romantic gestures, like flowers or gifts. Love bombing invariably includes lots of romantic conversation, long talks about our future.  It’s the combination of words and actions that makes love bombing so powerful. We can be in touch 24/7.

Love bombing works because humans have a natural need to feel good about ourselves. It’s in our make up. There will always be times when we don’t. Sometimes the reason is situational, brought on by something like the ending of a relationship or job loss. Other times, it can trace back to childhood. Whatever the source, love bombers are experts at detecting low self esteem, and exploiting it. 

Psychologists have described Love Bombers themselves:

The paradox of love bombing is that people who use it aren’t always seeking targets that broadcast insecurity for all to see. On the contrary, the love bomber is also insecure, so to boost their ego, the target must at least seem like a ‘great catch’. Maybe she’s the beautiful woman, who’s lonely because her beauty intimidates people, or he’s the guy with the great career whose wife left him for his best friend, or she’s the hard-nosed businesswoman, who’s avoided marriage and motherhood because her childhood was so traumatic.

On Adelyn Birch’s brilliant site ‘psychopaths and love’   she discusses Dr Rhonda Freeman, a clinical neuropsychologist, who thinks that ‘the high’ the bombers demonstrate can be genuine, they can get intrigued and stimulated. Does this make it feel more genuine to the victim? She continues “Unlike the excitement they have, the grooming component is intentional. It is tailored to set the victim up for future use.”

It isn’t the target’s fault they are love bombed. Love bombers are manipulators who seek and pursue targets. They’re like emotional vampires, because they use attention and affection to build trust, as a means to maintain control, and end up sucking the emotion and joy for life right out of their partners. In fact, “drained” is a common term the victim will use.

I feel it is important always to put  judgements aside. It may seem to the ignorant, that people who get caught  by these individuals are ‘stupid and desperate’. The psychologists confirm that’s a fallacy. Every human being has had a unique life with experiences that shape them as individuals and will ultimately define how they react to every situation they are faced with.

‘No one knows the hidden battles or experiences that people are going through or have been through. Be kind always.’

The cycles always starts with intense courtship and idealisation over a very short period of time. Idealisation is when partners see each other as “meant to be,” or “soul mates.”

Adelyn explains: Love Bombing reinforces power beliefs about ideal love; fosters trust, loyalty, relationship investment and a positive image of the abuser; creates deep bonding and emotional dependence; and sets the stage for disbelief of the manipulators misdeeds when the eventually and inevitably come.

They also make you feel so positive about yourself. My Catfish was the first man that ever managed to break through my self doubt. Others had tried, but it always remained. He managed this in that idealisation phase. It made it all the more devastating when I realised he was a fake.

The Phases of Love Bombing: Idealisation, Devaluation, Discard 

The key to understanding how love bombing differs from romantic courtship is to look at what happens next, after two people are officially a “couple.” If extravagant displays of affection continue indefinitely, if actions match words, and there is no devaluation phase, then it’s probably not love bombing. That much attention might get annoying after a while, but it’s not unhealthy in itself.

This is classic psychological conditioning at play here. Idealisation is the positive reinforcement (you do what I want, and I’ll shower you with love), the devaluation is the negative consequence (you did something wrong, so I’m punishing you).

 Our Catfish, used not contacting me, or only a few words in one text a day as a way of making me feel I had done something wrong, to devalue me and some of the other women too. He had first sent, in the idealisation phase, hundreds and hundreds of messages, never letting me be out of his thoughts or him mine.

These manipulators use devaluation to control romantic partners. No matter how confident they might appear, they lack self-esteem and use others for validation.

Our Catfish seemed to need a constant supply of adoration from different women to feed his ego. New relationships generally give that honeymoon phase. It’s why one night stands weren’t enough for him. He needed the illusion of the longterm meaningful relationship, his phrase when constantly grooming and idealising our relationships.

Devaluation becomes a tool to keep the victim dependent. They tear you down to solidify power over you.

When I gave in and messaged again, to my unanswered messages, he felt more powerful and in control, and when I pushed back or defended myself saying I deserved more than this from him, he felt threatened and would go silent sometimes to make me think I was losing him, or he would beg me not to leave him or give up on us, which made me feel bad.

Most couples involved in this toxic cycle will go through multiple rounds of idealisation and devaluation. Of course the Catfish is never actually in a ‘real relationship’ they are merely using this behaviour and technique to draw you in and control you as a way of getting what they want, so sometimes these phases are all short and not repeated. 
The final phase in the love bombing cycle is the discard, which usually happens for one of three reasons:

1. The devalued partner no longer supplies what attracted the love bomber in the first place. Seeing his partner as exhausted, broke, depressed, or less attractive, the bomber discards her for someone shiny and new.

Our Catfish had several women in place (face to face) at the same time and was still constantly grooming for the next online.

2. The devalued partner gets fed up and starts pushing back, demanding reciprocity for sacrifices or defending boundaries, making it clear she refuses to be manipulated anymore. Feeling exposed, the love bomber discards his non-compliant partner for one who doesn’t yet see behind his mask of phony perfection.

Some of our Catfish’s relationships were short because after the idealisation phase, his lack of ability to see them at weekends or more in the week due to his work situation i.e. as he needed to be seeing other women, became too much. They saw the mask slip when they pushed him on this.

3. The love bomber uses the discard as part of the manipulation, fully planning to reconnect in the future. Think of it like devaluation on steroids. He disappears, sometimes without warning, leaving the victim feeling devastated and confused. Then days, and sometimes months later, he reappears, out of the blue, professing undying love and promising to change. Curiously absent in many cases is an apology. Instead, the return is a test of his power and control, a challenge to see if his discarded partner can be conned into another round of abuse.

No matter how these manipulators do it, the discard comes as a shock. Even for the partner in scenario #2 who pushes back. How could this happen, especially after all the sacrifices to make him happy? Aren’t soul mates supposed to stay together forever, no matter what?

Our catfish did this with us. Whether he got replies or not, every few months he would send messages to all of his past victims to dangle a carrot or test the water, while continuing to see the current victims and grooming for others.

In part 2, how to spot Love Bombing.

Psychology Today can be read here

psychopathsandlove.com