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So you think you know about Yahoo Boys and Romance Scams? Part 4

Yahoo boys or Gee boys have their hands in with many scams. New ways of making quick money are being tested all the time and once something is found as successful, it will be shared amongst scammers in their world and used by everyone-they are known as ‘updates’.

Here are some of the current, popular scams to look out for:

Sugar Daddy/Mummy(Mommy)/Baby Scams

Social media profiles will be set up for Sugar Scams.

Scammers will use anyone’s pictures for these, they don’t need lots for the long game. They will be surfing for any profile picture on any profile to fit the bill. Some groups do love the beautiful Alexandra Rodriguez who is often used as ‘Mommy Heather’.

These scams work by drawing in people who are financially strapped with the premise of being ‘spoilt’ as a sugar baby. I’ve seen these pages target students too. How do the scammers make money? They tell you there is an attorney fee to set up the agreement. Not only that, they will collect your details of Cash App, PayPal or other ‘to pay the money to’ where they will attempt hacking for other scams. ‘Formats’ (in Part 1) are available to the scammers for these scams.

Grant Scams

Grant scams are ongoing and take advantage of any situation going on in that country, or world at the time. The current pandemic has been a blessing for the scammers in many ways. Bottom line here, no organisation handing out money in grants is going to randomly contact you over social media or ask people to contact others for them.

Always do your own research, do not click the link, message the email or text the number they give you. This holds for any text, email or phone call you receive. These details are pre-planned fake websites or call centres (they will reroute home country numbers which are readily available thanks to new services). You will simply be following their scam process. Always put your own search in and get a number/email independently.

 

 

They are collecting your information for identity theft (Social Security Numbers, National Insurance Numbers, bank details, phone numbers) and in the process getting a fee to set up the grant payments.

Google Voice Scams

Scammers need phone numbers to execute their scams. They need numbers in the countries they want to scam in (or open bank accounts or other in), not phone numbers from Africa. Historically, they will ask victims to send Sim Cards and phones as part of the Romance scam. Pickers will be in place to take shipments before sending them out to Africa, unless of course the story from the scammer has put them there. How else can they get them?

Fortunately for scammers, there are now multiple ways. Electronic numbers can be got online through many apps but only local to your country-step in pickers and other victims, but also through Google Voice. Registered phone numbers are far more valuable to scammers as they will be accepted for opening bank accounts and other benefit system frauds.

One way scammers use Google Voice is to scan the likes of private sellers sites such as Craig’s List and Gumtree. They look for items for sale with a listed phone number, the scammer will text asking if the item is still available. On getting a response, the scammer will say they would like to check ‘you’ are not a scammer and say they have put your number through a checking app to check it’s a legitimate number with no bad debt etc listed against it. An OTP (one time password) will be sent and victim asked to please forward the code or screenshot, to them to verify the information.

What you are actually sending is a password to hand over your number to the scammer on Google Voice. Once in possession of that number, the scammer can use it to open online bank accounts and also access lots of other numbers.

 

This process is used in other scams too. Don’t ever send an OTP to a stranger (or any one you have never met or know in person).

Cash App Scams

Cash App along with Zelle, PayPal, Venmo and others offer immediate transfer of funds to another party.

Private seller scams

Using private sellers lists again, scammers will contact in response to an item they claim to wish to purchase. Once agreement is made, funds need to be exchanged. If cash app hasn’t been used before by the client, they have an upper hand advantage from the start.

Cash app only allows transfers in and out of the account for a limit of sending $250 per 7 days and receiving $1000 per 30 days. Increasing these limits only happens through verification of your identity.

Scammers will claim the account limit needs to be increased (expanded) for the transaction to take place due to limits. They claim this can be done through the app by ‘building’ the limit between buyer and seller. Emails are sent from a fake customer service website to confirm the instructions along with notification messages and alerts.

Emails and notifications are passed backwards and forwards to build trust with the victim.

Note the .ng domain address on the website/email. This is Nigeria.

Here the victim instructed the postmaster not to release the parcel until she gave conformation of the payment being credited to her account. The address the package was to be sent to was in New York. This will have been a picker, hired by the scammers knowingly or unknowingly (employment scams, romance scams, paid mules) to collect the package before passing it on to Nigeria. Unfortunately the post master sent the package before confirmation.

The scam continued:

 

The victim did not send any money or gift cards but a few days later the scammer taunted her by showing the Fedex delivery tracker and a video of the Nigerian holding her ring.  They tried again to get more money saying the ring could be returned if she paid for shipping.

She showed the scammer all the evidence I had found of the fake account and the stolen identity of the elderly lady used in the scam. It’s with the police but unfortunately she is very unlikely to see any of her money or possessions again.

Other Cash App scams 

Cash Flip and  Prize Giveaways are other common Cash App scams.

The businesses do offer this service to customers for promotional purposes on occasion and the scammers are quick to jump on these situations to extort money. More on these two Cash App scams can be found here

Please only ever contact these apps for support through the in app contact system. Too many scammers have very well thought out fake websites and call centres to look like the real thing. 

Puppy/Kitten deposit scams

Many of these scams follow a similar pattern, the subject of the scam will simply change so that they can maximise the opportunities to exploit. Puppies and Kittens create a good opportunity for money making in scams, especially when advertising as a quality breed.

I should say here that scams using Puppies and Kittens for scams are abundant in all countries, carried out by heartless criminals who are out to make fast money without thought to the welfare of the animals. You should always seek advise from a vet for a registered breeder or preferably get a pet from a rescue as there are plenty needing homes.

Here, I am concerned with the type of scam conducted over the internet, where the animals are simply virtual and do not in reality even exist.

Fake websites and social media profiles are used to set up these scams.

One is shown here.

Things might not look wrong on first look, bar a gramma mistake on paperwork’s’.

However, the fact this profile messaged first and just a simple search on the pictures, shows this for what it is.

A key phrase here raises red flags. ‘I’m a good and sincere person.’ are words used in romance scams to build trust.
Always screen shot a few images to run through a reverse search. The results can save you money and heart break.
The reverse image search showed that the image has been taken from the internet. These puppies are not for sale.

As the scam continues, the scammer may even send a video (taken from the internet), then a deposit will be asked for. Using Cash App or other, details will be passed and funds transferred to secure the puppy or kitten. The money is lost and the scammer disappears.

Landlord/Rental deposit scams

Using the same technique above,  the scammers will watch legitimate websites for properties going up for rent.

They create private listings with the pictures but with the monthly rental price at a significantly reduced rate. They will claim that they previously had the property with an agent but the fees were too high so now they are renting privately. The agent is just being slack removing the listing.

Documents can be replicated to share and build trust before asking for the deposit to be paid. The old saying goes here, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

The deposit and likely first month payment will be asked for in advance as is common with property rental. Scams like this have been found targeting students in particular who are looking for a good deal on limited money. This money will be lost.

Always use a verified agent or meet the person face to face with full identity when venturing into these transactions.

Employment scams

Scammers will get onto college websites or even websites for single mums and similar. Email extractor tools are used to extract the emails registered on that website. The scammers will then bomb the emails with adverts for part time virtual work and work from home opportunities.

The wage is paid by fraudulent bank transfer or cheque in excess of the agreed wage. The picker will announce the mistake and ask for the extra paid money to be returned via gift card or other.

By the time the ’employee’ realises from the bank that the original transaction was in fact a scam transaction, the picker and the scammer are gone.

This method of extracting money is used across the scamming world including call centre scams, but this type- often technical support scam will gain access to the victims computer through screen share software to make them think the bank transaction of a refund has actually gone through at a higher rate and needs to be returned.

Hacking accounts

Scammers do business, and part of that business is hacking accounts, all types of accounts.

Older Facebook accounts are really popular with scammers because of many reasons. One, they look more authentic than a freshly made account with the joining date being historic on the profile. Two, ready made friends list who may or may not be close to the real owner. Three, these older accounts are mainly created in a country not on the ‘watchlist’ and are much harder to get removed through reporting. These accounts are offered for sale in the groups.

How do they get these?

As said previously, Romance Scams are not always about instant money. Sometimes the scammer is focused on collecting facebook accounts or other information for other scams. Sometimes they will come at a victim from more than one perspective, as different identities, to collect more and different information. When money isn’t asked for the victims tend to trust more but the scammers are just as dangerous. They will be building trust and ‘phishing’ for your details for identity theft and other things to earn them money.

Hackers may create the same narrative with a victim and even send them their own bank details with login (of a fake account) to show their trust and love for a victim (or friend). They might use this as a way to get the victim to send a One Time Password (OTP) alert maybe of a ‘login from another device’ from information such as a phone number or email used to access and sign in to a facebook account or email account. The victim will be told it’s to verify their number or email with the bank. The victim sends it to the scammer and the scammer has the password to verify themselves on the social media account or email etc..

The scammer can then change passwords from inside the account settings and lock the victim out.

If an email has been hacked, the scammer will now phish for other information useful in scams. Some of these scams will be for bigger fraud such as online benefit applications where the scammer has collected the required information for submitting a claim in that persons name with their personal details. You can read more here about this kind of fraud.

Other hacked accounts include Sporty Bet accounts where pre loaded cards are available for using.

There are many more scams that are constantly evolving from ones like these. Please be very aware of any one that contacts you or deals that seem too good to be true. Never click links or give a One Time Password or verification code to anyone you don’t know personally. Never use given phone numbers or web-links to confirm what you are being told, always do a search yourself for these numbers, emails or contact details or access the contact us section within an app.

 

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So you think you know about Yahoo Boys and Romance Scams? Part 3

When a victim realises what is going on, maybe a friend has broken through the conditioning instilled by the scammer or they have come across other profiles with the same pictures or completed a reverse image search, they will likely confront the scammer.

The scammer will not take this laying down and just go away.

Guilt will be heaped on the victim to start with. ‘How you can you not trust me after everything we’ve been through?’ are words all victims will hear. ‘The scammers have been stealing my pictures for years, I just don’t know how to deal with it anymore, now they’ve taken you too.’

When this doesn’t have effect, they can turn nasty.

  • Sextortion. If intimate images have been extorted (male or female), the blackmail will likely ensue. Blocking their number won’t do anything. scammers have untold amounts of numbers for any country at their disposal from other victims and other scams (more later) and the victim will likely be bombarded. This does depend on the experience of the scammer and the size of the group they are working in.

New identities will randomly start connecting and contacting, threats of posting your pictures online, sending them to family and friends unless money is sent. Never think sending them money will stop them-it will bait them to blackmail you more. The Australian authorities at Scamnet have produced an excellent advice document for incidents where this happens. I send it to victims I talk to all the time. You can read it here. 

Facebook also offer a service for non-consensual sharing of images that have or have threatened to be shared on their platform. You can find their help here.

There are several follow up scams that the scammers will try. Don’t become a repeat victim. These scams are the most popular but by no means the only ones they will try and things evolve constantly.

  • Scam compensation services. A contact will offer compensation to recover lost money  and, or catch the scammer to get justice for their wrongdoing. This maybe headed up by ‘law enforcement’ organisations or ‘private investigation’ style companies. These are also set up as pages on social media. Do not be fooled. These do not exist.
  • Fallen in love. The scammer will sometimes state that they fell in love with you through the scam. They will say it’s never happened  but the connection with you was too strong. They will send their real pictures, finally make that video call, say they wish they could turn back time and start a fresh now that he’s been honest. They have introduced victims to family. Their only aim is to get a visa out of there and more money.
  • Medical emergency. Some victims have had calls with a crying scared ‘family member’ claiming the scammer has tried to commit suicide due to the guilt felt from the scamming. Can you help with hospital costs. Having thought you were in a real relationship with this person and the fact they target kind and empathetic people in the first place, the temptation to believe this can be strong. Don’t.
  • Wife Beater. Some victims have reported that a woman calls saying the scammer is their husband and that she is being beaten, especially after his failure to continue the scam with you. She will say she wants to escape and asks for help to do so.
  • Facing jail. Some victims have reported that the scammer or a friend calls to say they are facing jail. They know they have done wrong but now the family they provide for face poverty because they will not be there. Can you help to pay the police to let them off.
  • Money Mule blackmail threat. Scammers have been known to load the victims bank account with funds after they are caught. they will then threaten to inform the authorities you are a mule, if the money isn’t sent back via Bitcoin or gift cards. Victims panic and sometimes do as the scammers ask.

The suckers list.

Scammers will put your details on a list of people who have been willing to chat, taken money to look after (unknowing money mule) or part with money. You will find the fake accounts keep finding you.

Here are some tips to break the cycle.

  • Change your phone number and email
  • Come off of social media for a few weeks and on return, change your profile pictures to new unknown ones. A name change, (variations etc) where possible and user name change where applicable.
  • Make sure your profiles are completely set to private including past profile pictures and photo albums.

Ensure that you report your fraud to the relevant authority for your country. Although rare, there are occasions where enough evidence is reported for investigations to take place and arrests are made. For you to be inline for any share of money recovered, your name needs to be on that list of victims. Local police are really not interested and too many victims report being laughed at by these officers. It is not ok and shows their ignorance at the sophistication and emotional manipulation that can come with these scams.

Here is a list of web-links to report your fraud in your country. If your country is not here, let me know and I will try and find or for you.

Australia click here

Canada click here

Europe click here

India click here

Malaysia here

Philippines here 

Singapore click here

South Africa click here

United States here

Things can feel really really dark and hopeless after an experience with a scammer.  Facing reality is sometimes too much and many victims can feel suicidal. You are not alone. There is always someone to talk to. It’s important to know that you can come and chat and not be judged or feel ashamed about what has happened to you. The hardest step is acceptance and letting go. The next phase is the fight back. We don’t let them win.

In Part 4,  where your information can be used and other scams of the Yahoo Boys.

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So you think you know about Yahoo Boys and Romance Scams? Part 2

Scammers will nearly always come up against a client who has started to mistrust through the process. It’s then time to put more effort to regain trust before the chance to exploit has gone.

In the past, the only options available was some very questionable photoshopping. However, technology advances at speed and for good or bad, these scammers will utilise this to their advantage.

Editing Services.

As the scam progresses, trust issues need to be resolved when doubts arise, especially when money has been asked for. This is where the editing services step in. Some will pay/trade for an experienced editor to do this for them, others will have a go themselves. Results may vary…

The editors not only create fake Id’s and photoshop images with a required note, they also create legal documents, plane tickets, invoices and other things needed to continue the scam and exploit the victim.

Taking it further

Fake websites will also be created where a link can be sent to the victim to back up the story being told, with Linked In profiles to match. Click these links to see what they are like:

Dr Michael Kent

This fake website uses the pictures of Dr Michael Miroshnik, Australian Plastic Surgeon as the CEO of a hospital.

Rolinsons Construction

This fake website used ‘up for rent’ properties found on the web as their contact addresses in both England and Canada.

The phone numbers and emails are attached to the scammers for authenticity. This website is likely shared with Ivory Coast Scammers who have French as their primary language and often claim to be from Quebec.

Wiki pages have been created as well to back up the information wanting to be recognised by the scammers against the real person’s history. The Wiki pages which mimic the real ones in appearance, will have the link sent to the victim who then believes they are looking at a real page.

English speaking ‘clients’ may recognise grammatical and spelling errors but unfortunately scammers target everyone and those with English as a second language or even using translate are unlikely to pick up mistakes.

Fake Video Calls

‘If they won’t video call they are a scammer…’

This is what victims have been told for such a long time and in part, some of this holds true. However, with advances in technology the scammers now have a way to build trust further.

Once upon a time they would hold a phone playing a video of the supposed person (there are usually plenty of snippets available on the person’s social media or better still stories, which then disappear) to the camera on a laptop. It was really poor quality but with an excuse for this being bad internet (including it cutting out after a few seconds) it was sometimes enough to convince the victim that the moving person was really on the other side of that screen. Military scams used this particularly well as victims are being told they in remote areas. Now, apps are available to create ‘prank video calls’ which are relished by the scammers to create a better quality experience.

There are tutorials everywhere (click here for one). Scamming made easier with the help of technology. (Please ignore BJ Campbell’s comment, who is not the person you want to be online dating with as he thinks fake video calls are invaluable).

However, the scammers cannot yet make the video answer questions  you might pose but voice overs are getting better so look out for the lip synching. An advantage for them is that scamming someone with a different language makes this all the easier.

This has become an essential part of the game and tutorials on how to do this is one of the services offered in the groups.

 

Also available are voice changing apps for the scammer to be two people at once or a child. Ivory coast scammers use village children to talk to clients as they already speak French but when convincing a client what a good mum they’ll be or a child asking for help or wanting to come and live with you, for English or other languages, the voice changer works for them. Technology is getting better all the time and depending on the size of the group (and the money to access better technology) the better the quality will be.

Collecting the money

Things will usually start small. Asking for gift cards of various descriptions has become the normal as a tester for the scammers. They then exchange the gift cards for cash with a ‘reputable’ hustler for Naira or other currency.

Amounts asked for may increase along with the story posed by the scammer. The various scams within ‘romance fraud’ have been mentioned in Part 1. (read here if you haven’t).

Now enter… ‘The Loaders and The Pickers‘

Romance scams, can be stand alone scams however, the victims can also be part of something much bigger.

Yahoo boys do not just ‘dabble’ in extorting money from vulnerable people looking for love.

Business email compromise (BEC).

This is a much larger fraud where scammers are defrauding businesses by setting up bank accounts where money is unknowingly transferred by organisations on request of a fraudster posing as the CEO to these accounts in their control. The starting process for these phishing scams and spamming comes from Russia and Eastern Europe, who sell leads to the Social scammers of West Africa. That scratches the surface, the sums lost are in the billions.

Where do victims of romance fraud come in? These huge scams need to have the money they exploit, cleaned before it is sent back to Africa and the fraudsters. Money mules are used to do this. These mules (Pickers) have several roles.

Some will know exactly what they are doing and paid for the job. They will often be resident citizens in the country being exploited and work for a percentage of the ill gotten gains. These criminals will set up bank accounts, PayPal accounts, any other digital cash transfer accounts using stolen identities (courtesy of other phishing scams including Romance Scams, where they are collecting all and every scrap of your details) and also send cash directly to other mules.

Most of these applications and organisations have criteria to block accounts being opened by the likes of Nigeria or money sent to these countries, so they have become creative in how to get the money back to them. It also means the trail of the stolen money is made ever more difficult to trace, if not impossible. Large sums of money also meet criteria for investigation by the likes of the FBI, the scammers know this, so stolen funds are split into smaller packages, ‘The Loaders’ then load accounts with the funds ready to transfer.

In some cases, several mules will be used to transfer the money from one place to the next. However, every time a mule is used, the scammers lose a cut of the money.

Romance scam victims can be used for free.

Built into those stories created by the scammers will be opportunities where victims are asked to ‘look after some money’. Some victims wont ever be asked for money themselves, just occasionally doing a favour for the guy they fell in love with when he gets stuck while working abroad. These victims become unknowing money mules (Pickers).

 

The Loader and Pickers are used across a wide variety of scams. They will be called on when needed. The Loaders tend to take the biggest cut as their job is most risky.

Many processes are being tested for ‘cashing out‘ . Gift cards remain a favourite because it removes the mules and the scammer gets a bigger cut of the money. Apps such as Cash App are liked for their ability to convert to Bitcoin which becomes untraceable, however with Bitcoin and other digital currency being banned in Nigeria and other West African countries, they are on the look for new processes constantly, so the game is always changing. AliPay is used in China, Zelle within businesses. New apps are out all the time and they will find ways to exploit them. People like this will show the scammers how to use them:

 

In Part 3, what happens when the scammers are caught out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Come and join the pages!

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been absent on here for a while except for answering emails but that doesn’t mean I’ve been absent from continuing my work for this cause.

The website is proving difficult to display all the scammers I am exposing so I’ve been working on other ways to warn others of these on other platforms and they are on every platform…more on that soon.

So, I’ve set up a Facebook Page: @catchthecatfish

An Instagram Page: @catchthecatfish123

You Tube Channel

Twitter also has the videos: @AnnaRowe123

Please come and subscribe to your preferred platform to see daily posts on all things relating to Catfishing, Romance Fraud and other scams.

Kind regards

Anna

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Quick lessons – Good to Go

Good to Go

Can the person you’re talking to tick these boxes?
  • Photos look real and do not show up on a reverse image search. If the photos look too good to be true, they probably are!
  • Happy to make a voice call. A phone call identifies that they are from the country they say they are (and with an accent that matches).
  • Happy to video call and/or meet up in person. Remember if it’s the real person behind the pictures they have nothing to hide.
  • Check identity through an online search. Most people have an online footprint. Be an investigator.
  • Does their story sound ‘normal’ ? If their story sounds ‘off’ or has any red flags such as working abroad/military/has problems occurring which they need help for/asks for money- you need to block.
  • The connection should move along at a normal pace. Does the ‘relationship’ seem to move very fast? Do they tell you they have feelings very quickly? They feel they’ve found a soul mate? It’s another scammer tactic using ‘love bombing’. If every thing else checks out and they still use this final technique then it’s likely a narcissist (steer clear of both!).
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When Catfishing claims lives. The worst side of Catfishing.

Where I am today is far from the place I was in January 2017. A qualified teacher, then working as a 1-1 TA, fresh from the discovery of my abuser and now, working with law clinics and amazing people who have come into my life from this experience and more importantly helping others who have shared similar experiences.

My world was turned upside down when I discovered the man that I had been dating wasn’t who he said he was. I had put my trust in this sad excuse for a human being and he had abused me in every sense.

As my story began to unfold, the gravity of my experience started to become clear. It was fate he met me though, and me him. I’m a firm believer that ‘everyone meets for a reason, what ever that reason my be’.

After discovering who he really was, my emotions took a deeper spin. This man had made me the other women, something he knew had been my worst experience on the other side of the coin. I loathe cheats. Not all Catfish are married though, it’s a behaviour adopted by many for their own gratification.

Having been hurt so much by the experience and finding it difficult to come to terms with, as there was no closure to have, I needed to turn it around into something positive. I needed to make sure people knew about this and more importantly to try and stop this from happening to other people. The law is a mess and archaic. The police have no training in areas of anything emerging. Something needed to be done and this was what I needed to do, for others and myself.

After a lot of research and thought, the petition was created and with the help of some good friends, a local paper said they would like to publish my story as a warning to others and to promote the petition. The other hope, was that others may, if the publicity was good, alert other women who had been in contact with him. I knew there were more but I didn’t know who or how many.

What happened after that first local paper article couldn’t have been predicted by anyone. On a personal level it lost me my job by a judgemental and incredibly inhumane headteacher and on the other hand it sparked a global press release. In the first few days the national press picked up the story and ‘woman number one’ came forward. In the next five months his victim numbers were growing and currently sit at twelve. Exposure of this behaviour through TV, radio and more articles for magazines was becoming widespread and so was the number of messages I was receiving from victims of other Catfish and from some Catfish themselves.

This part for me was the hardest.

The support side was overwhelming. These are the people this has happened to as well, and they know without question, what it is like to be manipulated and emotionally abused as just a start to the effects of this experience. This is just the door opening and ground work a Catfish does to enable them to use you for whatever motivates them personally whether financial fraud, sexploitation, personal sexual gratification through pictures and videos, drawn from the victim after trust has been built and in our case, actual physical sexual exploitation. These people get it.

The flip side of this is the realisation that thousands of people are experiencing this every year and they are too scared or humiliated to talk to others for fear of judgment from the morons who know no better. Thousands of people are having their lives torn apart by these degenerates who trawl the internet for vulnerable people to exploit and everyone of the platforms, be it social media or dating, are giving them a helping hand. They are free to create full fake profiles and abuse who ever they want without fear of penalty or justice to their victims. There is no justice.

This realisations never hits as hard though, as when your mail pings or you look at messages on your petition to read that another life has been lost due  the lack of responsibility for human life by yet another exploiter and also the platforms that have allowed it to happen by not enforcing the terms and conditions that their users are meant to abide by.

Last year I heard of an 18 year old lad, who gave up on life after being catfished by a girl. You can read Mitchell’s story here . This was the first suicide victim I’d heard of.

The latest victim just a few weeks ago, a 28 year old man. His family broken by his death, left numb and in disbelief at what has spiralled from his experience with a catfish. The family are raw at his loss and it was a 14 year old girl, set up as a 19 year old online that finally ended this man’s belief in the world. He had ended the initial encounter when he realised something wasn’t right  but the butterfly effect of this behaviour some months later meant he was investigated by the military and accused of things he shouldn’t have been accused of. Two days after taking his own life his family were told the investigators had discovered she was a Catfish and had been playing many a game with many military men- but it was too late for Mike. His family are grieving but do not want his life to have been in vain. When they are ready his story will be told.

At 14 years old, this girl should not have even been on dating websites-but how much responsibility will this platform take for Mike’s death? None.

So my question is:

What’s with not having verification? What are the ‘pros and cons’ of being who you say you are?  Blog to follow.

 

 

 

 

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The Personal Catfish

What is a Personal Catfish?

It seems these Catfish are the lesser known of their type in the UK, as financial fraudsters using Catfishing as a platform for their ill gotten gains, get much more press space and in some cases can be prosecuted if the sums of money are large enough under the Fraud Act 2006. Most warnings on dating websites and other are geared towards these financial fraudsters and their tactics but who is to say that the hurt and after math of a Personal Catfish is any less devastating? Despite this imbalance, the name Catfish came from these very same personal online romance scam Catfish. They can still be sub divided.

Unlike the Catfish of the financial fraud world, these catfish have a more ‘personal’ motive for doing what they do.

The grooming technique is the same for all Catfish, however some may be more experienced and efficient at it.

The Personal Catfish

It would be hard to believe that most people have not come across the term Catfish by now but where did this term come from? You can find out on my What is a ‘Catfish’? post. I’m sure there are many more categories but for the purpose here I’m subdividing into these:

  • self esteem
  • revenge
  • jokes
  • cyber sex
  • the offline Personal Catfish

Nev’s show has exposed some of these categories.

Self Esteem

As has been seen in numerous episodes of  ‘Catfish’, one of the motivators of hiding behind a fake profile and identity is the self esteem issues of the Catfish. Often, these individuals feel they are not worthy of having a relationship with ‘someone as handsome/beautiful’ as their target. They do not have the confidence to approach someone in person. So, they fulfil their fantasies online as someone else. Most of the time when uncovered, they can see the hurt they have caused, stringing out their target for years sometimes, making excuses as to why they can’t meet but hoping the romance can remain. Sometimes real feelings are reciprocated on both sides but in the main, the deceit, lies and broken trust means that the ‘relationship’ is over.

Revenge

These are nasty. Aiming at specific targets, these Catfish are only interested in one thing. Their purpose is to bestow hurt and humiliation on someone they feel has done them a wrong first. Maybe it was rejection in the relationship, maybe it is a family member or close friend that feels they have been betrayed in the past.

Jokes

As above, this form of Catfishing is equally nasty. Maybe known or unknown to the target, some individuals are simply bored and use this behaviour as a form of amusement and entertainment. Other people’s hurt doesn’t feature in their social skill set and they don’t see what they are doing as a problem. It’s just a bit of fun right? No it’s not.

Cyber Sex

This is where our Personal Catfish are upping the ante.

Using the same grooming techniques and love bombing, these Catfish may simply be miscreant versions of the revenge or joke Catfish, asking for intimate pictures/videos as part of the ‘joke’ which will add to the humiliation when the duping is exposed and worse as leverage for part of their game.  However, some set out to use this added level of  reprehensible behaviour as a way of getting their own needs met. Much like the behaviour of a paedophile who uses a fake profile to lure children into sexually explicit situations, these Catfish are after their own ‘gallery’ of images/videos from unsuspecting women/men.

Creating an online relationship gives an added level of power and excitement for the Catfish against simply looking at published pictures as they get to control and manipulate the target to ‘perform’ at their will under the guise of a relationship. Only if these pictures or videos are published online by the Catfish would our current legal system potentially prosecute under ‘revenge porn’ legislation. You can read about this here. If they simply ghost you when they have done with you or you find them out to be a fraud, the legal system will not touch them.

This kind of online emotional and or sexual abuse is not OK. Someone who sets up a fake profile with the intent to abuse and cause repeated emotional harm which may lead to physical harm is a bully. You can read more at the comprehensive Cyberbullying Research Centre  site here.

The offline Personal Catfish

So here is mine. Potentially the ‘new breed’ of Catfish? This one dares to come out of the ‘water’ to pursue his fictional relationship in the flesh.

After building trust over a period of time (if that’s what they read the situation as needing with that particular target) and using the love bombing technique to get you hooked and attached, these Personal Catfish make the move to meet face to face. Setting expectations of patterns as far as work time and parental responsibilities, also came in these early stages. With most of his targets, ours had a tried and tested plan of getting ‘you to to invite him’ for coffee as an initial meeting. This was something several of us experienced from him. Under the cover of their ‘fake identity’ this Catfish type behaves in the way any other person starting a relationship may do (as is the preference of life style to that particular couple). The cover of a job that takes them away regularly is usual it seems, so they can be in multiple relationships at once.

Whether the Catfish themself is actually single or married, one thing is for sure, any promises they make you, about wanting a committed, longterm and loving relationship are lies. Their only motive for doing this is to lull you into a false sense of security about them so that they have control over you to get what they want.

My offline personal Catfish had the intention of sticking around for a while. He wasn’t interested in creating this fantasy life for one night stands. He wanted the ‘illusion of the relationship’ he said he wanted as his fake self. That way he got the best from me/us. It also meant he had to be thorough and clever in creating his back story and have things to make his fake life seem real to us.

Not only did my Catfish have a fake Face Book account, which had a network of friends within it and was used to portray things he spoke about in his fake life i.e likes for business, music, tv shows he wanted you to think he liked the same as you (all part of the grooming process), he also had fake emails, Skype accounts and several other Social media platforms to back up his fake identity. He also had a dedicated phone for his alias. Were his actions premeditated? In every way. Did his life seem real? Very much. But he had been doing this for over a decade with this alias. He was very experienced in his execution and had evolved his practise over time. His real job meant he was away from his wife and family all week in London, only returning at weekends where even then he did have periods of time in Europe as he claimed he did regularly under his alias.

Mine also used ‘sob stories’ with all of us. He constantly had you feeling sorry for him. This was all part of the emotional manipulation. It meant we didn’t add to his stressful situation and portrayal of a good man going through difficult times.

What does this say about the person behind the Catfish?

Who is worse? I’m not deliberating on the outcome for the victim here, as financial fraud catfish victims will have 2 lots of trauma to deal with in their scenario (emotional and potentially large sums financially),  but the type of person that decides to ‘Catfish’? The catfish themselves can literally be anyone. Married, single, male or female posing as anyone they wish to be.

The financial fraudsters of the African scams (and similar) are doing this because they live such deprived lives, they see ‘Westerners’ as rich and privileged. I’m not making excuses, it’s wrong full stop but just observing the back grounds.  The Personal Catfish isn’t seeking money as their motivation. They are not all ‘Walter Mitty’ type characters, they can have it all, and simply exploit vulnerable people because they think it’s their right and they want more. Yet the law will only prosecute financial fraud. It’s one to think about.

Shockingly, there is virtually no research into the emotional impact on non-financial loss victims in these scenarios (particularly those that have been exploited for sexual use). Maybe with the help of those that have had similar non-financial loss experiences, we can start to do our own as a way to force the hand of the justice system to act on both counts?