Tag: grooming

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The trouble with technology

I started talking about the use of ‘deepfakes’ in the use of romance scams over 2 years ago when we started to see evidence of them in fake news videos with celebrities and heads of state. Unfortunately, this is only the beginning of the journey and more sophisticated use of this technology will be on it’s tails as seen in the likes of the acclaimed BBC series, The Capture.  Let’s take a dive into ‘The trouble with Technology’. 

Technology has brought about numerous benefits to society, from improved healthcare to faster communication to increased productivity. However, there are also several challenges associated with technology that we need to be aware of, including:

  1. Dependency: We have become increasingly dependent on technology to perform daily tasks, which can lead to issues if technology fails or is unavailable.
  2. Privacy and security: Technology has made it easier for personal information to be collected and shared, raising concerns about privacy and security. Cybersecurity threats, such as hacking and identity theft, are also becoming more prevalent.
  3. Social isolation: Technology can create a sense of isolation and detachment, particularly in younger generations who spend more time interacting online than in-person.
  4. Addiction: Technology can be addictive, particularly social media and gaming, which can lead to negative impacts on mental health, productivity, and relationships.
  5. Job displacement: Technology is also changing the nature of work, with automation and artificial intelligence replacing many jobs. This can lead to job displacement and require workers to reskill and adapt to new industries.
  6. Environmental impact: Technology can have a significant environmental impact, from the manufacture of devices to the energy required to power them. E-waste disposal is also a growing concern.

To address these challenges, it’s important to use technology responsibly and be mindful of the potential impacts on society and the environment. We need to develop policies and regulations to ensure technology is used in a way that benefits everyone, not just a select few. Ultimately, we need to find a balance between the benefits and challenges of technology to create a more equitable and sustainable future.

So far, regulation and legislation are failing on a grand scale.

So how will new technology benefit scammers in Romance Fraud?

Chat GPT bots will be used by scammers with less skills and for the spamming process until a victim is hooked.
Technology has made it easier for scammers to target and deceive people through online dating platforms and social media. They can create fake profiles, steal identities, and use persuasive tactics to gain trust and extract money or personal information from their victims. In the future, technology may also be used to improve detection and prevention of romance fraud, such as through the use of artificial intelligence and machine learning to identify suspicious activity or patterns. It may also be used to help victims report and recover from fraud. It’s important to be cautious and aware of the potential risks when using online dating and social media to find romantic partners.
As a language model, ChatGPT is designed to help with conversations by generating responses that are relevant, coherent, and appropriate in context. Whether you’re looking to have a casual chat or seeking assistance with a complex topic, ChatGPT can offer insights, information, and guidance to help move the conversation forward. Here are some ways that ChatGPT can help with conversations.

 

Providing information: ChatGPT can help answer questions and provide information on a wide range of topics, including science, history, and current events. Generating ideas: If you’re brainstorming ideas for a project or just looking for some inspiration, ChatGPT can help generate new ideas and perspectives. Offering advice: ChatGPT can offer advice and guidance on personal or professional issues, such as career choices or relationship problems. Providing entertainment: ChatGPT can also be a source of entertainment, telling jokes, sharing stories, or playing games.

Overall, ChatGPT can help make conversations more engaging, informative, and enjoyable, and can be a valuable tool for anyone seeking to improve their communication skills or connect with others.
Unfortunately, scammers can use ChatGPT or any other conversational AI system to talk to victims of romance fraud. Here are some ways scammers may use ChatGPT to perpetrate romance fraud:
  1. Generating personalized messages: ChatGPT can be used to generate personalized messages that can make the victim feel special and targeted. Scammers can use this to create a false sense of connection and build trust with the victim.
  2. Mimicking human-like responses: ChatGPT can generate responses that appear to be human-like, making it difficult for the victim to detect that they are talking to a machine. Scammers can use this to make the victim believe they are talking to a real person.
  3. Exploiting vulnerabilities: Scammers can use ChatGPT to learn about the victim’s interests, hobbies, and preferences and use that information to exploit their vulnerabilities. For example, if the victim expresses loneliness, the scammer may use that information to build a deeper emotional connection and manipulate the victim into sending money.
  4. Increasing efficiency: ChatGPT can be used to automate responses and interact with multiple victims at the same time, making it easier for scammers to perpetrate romance fraud on a large scale.
It’s important to note that while ChatGPT can be used by scammers, it can also be used by law enforcement and anti-fraud organizations to detect and prevent romance fraud. It’s crucial to stay vigilant and aware of the signs of romance fraud to protect yourself from scammers.

And what about deep fakes?

Scammers have used technology in various ways to perpetrate scams through video calls. Here are some examples:

Fake video calls. Scammers can use pre-recorded videos or fake personas to create the illusion of a live video call. They may use sophisticated software to manipulate their appearance or disguise their voice to appear more convincing.

This includes the use of intimate videos in sextortion. Scammers may use pre recorded videos on calls to coerce victims in explicit actions to extort victims by recording explicit footage and threatening to share it publicly unless the victim pays a ransom.

Of course these videos have their limitations, the scammer not being able to react as requested if asked and voiceovers only being successful if the scammer has that part well executed to hide true origins. They are also mostly short and fairly poor quality but as with any technology issues this can be explained away. 

To see an example of a fake video call click here.

How have scammer video calls evolved with the help of technology?
Scammers have evolved their video call tactics with the help of technology to make their scams more convincing and sophisticated. 

 

Deepfake is a method by which artificial intelligence (AI) gathers data to be more educated. In this case, the Al uses its data,  here we will see facial movements, to superimpose a new face onto an existing face and body. The term ‘deepfake’ is a fairly new but the origin of the concept isn’t.

Photoshopped images which have evolved into singing pictures have been circulating for at least 15 years. What makes the new deepfake technology problematic is that this once highly expensive technology is now easily accessible, creating ridiculously sophisticated videos that to the untrained eye will appear seamless. 

Scammers can use deepfake technology to create convincing fake videos that appear to be from someone else. They can use this to impersonate celebrities or public figures, or to create videos of fake customer support agents or government officials or the person they have chosen to scam with.

To see a scammer exploring the deepfake software, click here.

To see scammers using deepfake software in their scamming, click here.

Virtual backgrounds: Scammers can use virtual backgrounds to create a false sense of legitimacy or credibility. They may use backgrounds that look like a legitimate office or government agency to convince the victim that they are speaking with a legitimate representative.

Screen sharing: Scammers can use screen sharing to show the victim fake or manipulated content to further their scam. For example, they may show fake bank statements or other documents to convince the victim to send money or share personal information.

How can you spot a deep fake?
Spotting a deepfake can be challenging, as they can be highly convincing. However, here are some common tell-tale signs that you might be looking at a deepfake:
  1. Stiff or robotic facial movements: Deepfakes can still have difficulties with replicating natural human expressions, movements and eye blinks.
  2. Artificial looking eyes: Sometimes, the eyes in a deepfake video can look unrealistic or glassy.
  3. Inconsistent lighting: Shadows and lighting can appear to change or be inconsistent in deepfake videos.
  4. Audio discrepancies: The audio in a deepfake video may not match the movements of the person’s mouth or may sound artificial.
  5. Blurry or low-resolution areas: Some parts of a deepfake video might be more blurry or lower-resolution than others.
It’s important to note that these signs aren’t foolproof, and some deepfakes can be highly sophisticated. Therefore, it’s important to approach all videos with a critical eye and consider the context and source of the content.
FYI: This blog (minus the parts in Italics and the video links) was created using Chat GPT.
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So you think you know about Yahoo Boys and Romance Scams? Part 4

Yahoo boys or Gee boys have their hands in with many scams. New ways of making quick money are being tested all the time and once something is found as successful, it will be shared amongst scammers in their world and used by everyone-they are known as ‘updates’.

Here are some of the current, popular scams to look out for:

Sugar Daddy/Mummy(Mommy)/Baby Scams

Social media profiles will be set up for Sugar Scams.

Scammers will use anyone’s pictures for these, they don’t need lots for the long game. They will be surfing for any profile picture on any profile to fit the bill. Some groups do love the beautiful Alexandra Rodriguez who is often used as ‘Mommy Heather’.

These scams work by drawing in people who are financially strapped with the premise of being ‘spoilt’ as a sugar baby. I’ve seen these pages target students too. How do the scammers make money? They tell you there is an attorney fee to set up the agreement. Not only that, they will collect your details of Cash App, PayPal or other ‘to pay the money to’ where they will attempt hacking for other scams. ‘Formats’ (in Part 1) are available to the scammers for these scams.

Grant Scams

Grant scams are ongoing and take advantage of any situation going on in that country, or world at the time. The current pandemic has been a blessing for the scammers in many ways. Bottom line here, no organisation handing out money in grants is going to randomly contact you over social media or ask people to contact others for them.

Always do your own research, do not click the link, message the email or text the number they give you. This holds for any text, email or phone call you receive. These details are pre-planned fake websites or call centres (they will reroute home country numbers which are readily available thanks to new services). You will simply be following their scam process. Always put your own search in and get a number/email independently.

 

 

They are collecting your information for identity theft (Social Security Numbers, National Insurance Numbers, bank details, phone numbers) and in the process getting a fee to set up the grant payments.

Google Voice Scams

Scammers need phone numbers to execute their scams. They need numbers in the countries they want to scam in (or open bank accounts or other in), not phone numbers from Africa. Historically, they will ask victims to send Sim Cards and phones as part of the Romance scam. Pickers will be in place to take shipments before sending them out to Africa, unless of course the story from the scammer has put them there. How else can they get them?

Fortunately for scammers, there are now multiple ways. Electronic numbers can be got online through many apps but only local to your country-step in pickers and other victims, but also through Google Voice. Registered phone numbers are far more valuable to scammers as they will be accepted for opening bank accounts and other benefit system frauds.

One way scammers use Google Voice is to scan the likes of private sellers sites such as Craig’s List and Gumtree. They look for items for sale with a listed phone number, the scammer will text asking if the item is still available. On getting a response, the scammer will say they would like to check ‘you’ are not a scammer and say they have put your number through a checking app to check it’s a legitimate number with no bad debt etc listed against it. An OTP (one time password) will be sent and victim asked to please forward the code or screenshot, to them to verify the information.

What you are actually sending is a password to hand over your number to the scammer on Google Voice. Once in possession of that number, the scammer can use it to open online bank accounts and also access lots of other numbers.

 

This process is used in other scams too. Don’t ever send an OTP to a stranger (or any one you have never met or know in person).

Cash App Scams

Cash App along with Zelle, PayPal, Venmo and others offer immediate transfer of funds to another party.

Private seller scams

Using private sellers lists again, scammers will contact in response to an item they claim to wish to purchase. Once agreement is made, funds need to be exchanged. If cash app hasn’t been used before by the client, they have an upper hand advantage from the start.

Cash app only allows transfers in and out of the account for a limit of sending $250 per 7 days and receiving $1000 per 30 days. Increasing these limits only happens through verification of your identity.

Scammers will claim the account limit needs to be increased (expanded) for the transaction to take place due to limits. They claim this can be done through the app by ‘building’ the limit between buyer and seller. Emails are sent from a fake customer service website to confirm the instructions along with notification messages and alerts.

Emails and notifications are passed backwards and forwards to build trust with the victim.

Note the .ng domain address on the website/email. This is Nigeria.

Here the victim instructed the postmaster not to release the parcel until she gave conformation of the payment being credited to her account. The address the package was to be sent to was in New York. This will have been a picker, hired by the scammers knowingly or unknowingly (employment scams, romance scams, paid mules) to collect the package before passing it on to Nigeria. Unfortunately the post master sent the package before confirmation.

The scam continued:

 

The victim did not send any money or gift cards but a few days later the scammer taunted her by showing the Fedex delivery tracker and a video of the Nigerian holding her ring.  They tried again to get more money saying the ring could be returned if she paid for shipping.

She showed the scammer all the evidence I had found of the fake account and the stolen identity of the elderly lady used in the scam. It’s with the police but unfortunately she is very unlikely to see any of her money or possessions again.

Other Cash App scams 

Cash Flip and  Prize Giveaways are other common Cash App scams.

The businesses do offer this service to customers for promotional purposes on occasion and the scammers are quick to jump on these situations to extort money. More on these two Cash App scams can be found here

Please only ever contact these apps for support through the in app contact system. Too many scammers have very well thought out fake websites and call centres to look like the real thing. 

Puppy/Kitten deposit scams

Many of these scams follow a similar pattern, the subject of the scam will simply change so that they can maximise the opportunities to exploit. Puppies and Kittens create a good opportunity for money making in scams, especially when advertising as a quality breed.

I should say here that scams using Puppies and Kittens for scams are abundant in all countries, carried out by heartless criminals who are out to make fast money without thought to the welfare of the animals. You should always seek advise from a vet for a registered breeder or preferably get a pet from a rescue as there are plenty needing homes.

Here, I am concerned with the type of scam conducted over the internet, where the animals are simply virtual and do not in reality even exist.

Fake websites and social media profiles are used to set up these scams.

One is shown here.

Things might not look wrong on first look, bar a gramma mistake on paperwork’s’.

However, the fact this profile messaged first and just a simple search on the pictures, shows this for what it is.

A key phrase here raises red flags. ‘I’m a good and sincere person.’ are words used in romance scams to build trust.
Always screen shot a few images to run through a reverse search. The results can save you money and heart break.
The reverse image search showed that the image has been taken from the internet. These puppies are not for sale.

As the scam continues, the scammer may even send a video (taken from the internet), then a deposit will be asked for. Using Cash App or other, details will be passed and funds transferred to secure the puppy or kitten. The money is lost and the scammer disappears.

Landlord/Rental deposit scams

Using the same technique above,  the scammers will watch legitimate websites for properties going up for rent.

They create private listings with the pictures but with the monthly rental price at a significantly reduced rate. They will claim that they previously had the property with an agent but the fees were too high so now they are renting privately. The agent is just being slack removing the listing.

Documents can be replicated to share and build trust before asking for the deposit to be paid. The old saying goes here, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

The deposit and likely first month payment will be asked for in advance as is common with property rental. Scams like this have been found targeting students in particular who are looking for a good deal on limited money. This money will be lost.

Always use a verified agent or meet the person face to face with full identity when venturing into these transactions.

Employment scams

Scammers will get onto college websites or even websites for single mums and similar. Email extractor tools are used to extract the emails registered on that website. The scammers will then bomb the emails with adverts for part time virtual work and work from home opportunities.

The wage is paid by fraudulent bank transfer or cheque in excess of the agreed wage. The picker will announce the mistake and ask for the extra paid money to be returned via gift card or other.

By the time the ’employee’ realises from the bank that the original transaction was in fact a scam transaction, the picker and the scammer are gone.

This method of extracting money is used across the scamming world including call centre scams, but this type- often technical support scam will gain access to the victims computer through screen share software to make them think the bank transaction of a refund has actually gone through at a higher rate and needs to be returned.

Hacking accounts

Scammers do business, and part of that business is hacking accounts, all types of accounts.

Older Facebook accounts are really popular with scammers because of many reasons. One, they look more authentic than a freshly made account with the joining date being historic on the profile. Two, ready made friends list who may or may not be close to the real owner. Three, these older accounts are mainly created in a country not on the ‘watchlist’ and are much harder to get removed through reporting. These accounts are offered for sale in the groups.

How do they get these?

As said previously, Romance Scams are not always about instant money. Sometimes the scammer is focused on collecting facebook accounts or other information for other scams. Sometimes they will come at a victim from more than one perspective, as different identities, to collect more and different information. When money isn’t asked for the victims tend to trust more but the scammers are just as dangerous. They will be building trust and ‘phishing’ for your details for identity theft and other things to earn them money.

Hackers may create the same narrative with a victim and even send them their own bank details with login (of a fake account) to show their trust and love for a victim (or friend). They might use this as a way to get the victim to send a One Time Password (OTP) alert maybe of a ‘login from another device’ from information such as a phone number or email used to access and sign in to a facebook account or email account. The victim will be told it’s to verify their number or email with the bank. The victim sends it to the scammer and the scammer has the password to verify themselves on the social media account or email etc..

The scammer can then change passwords from inside the account settings and lock the victim out.

If an email has been hacked, the scammer will now phish for other information useful in scams. Some of these scams will be for bigger fraud such as online benefit applications where the scammer has collected the required information for submitting a claim in that persons name with their personal details. You can read more here about this kind of fraud.

Other hacked accounts include Sporty Bet accounts where pre loaded cards are available for using.

There are many more scams that are constantly evolving from ones like these. Please be very aware of any one that contacts you or deals that seem too good to be true. Never click links or give a One Time Password or verification code to anyone you don’t know personally. Never use given phone numbers or web-links to confirm what you are being told, always do a search yourself for these numbers, emails or contact details or access the contact us section within an app.

 

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So you think you know about Yahoo Boys and Romance Scams? Part 2

Scammers will nearly always come up against a client who has started to mistrust through the process. It’s then time to put more effort to regain trust before the chance to exploit has gone.

In the past, the only options available was some very questionable photoshopping. However, technology advances at speed and for good or bad, these scammers will utilise this to their advantage.

Editing Services.

As the scam progresses, trust issues need to be resolved when doubts arise, especially when money has been asked for. This is where the editing services step in. Some will pay/trade for an experienced editor to do this for them, others will have a go themselves. Results may vary…

The editors not only create fake Id’s and photoshop images with a required note, they also create legal documents, plane tickets, invoices and other things needed to continue the scam and exploit the victim.

Taking it further

Fake websites will also be created where a link can be sent to the victim to back up the story being told, with Linked In profiles to match. Click these links to see what they are like:

Dr Michael Kent

This fake website uses the pictures of Dr Michael Miroshnik, Australian Plastic Surgeon as the CEO of a hospital.

Rolinsons Construction

This fake website used ‘up for rent’ properties found on the web as their contact addresses in both England and Canada.

The phone numbers and emails are attached to the scammers for authenticity. This website is likely shared with Ivory Coast Scammers who have French as their primary language and often claim to be from Quebec.

Wiki pages have been created as well to back up the information wanting to be recognised by the scammers against the real person’s history. The Wiki pages which mimic the real ones in appearance, will have the link sent to the victim who then believes they are looking at a real page.

English speaking ‘clients’ may recognise grammatical and spelling errors but unfortunately scammers target everyone and those with English as a second language or even using translate are unlikely to pick up mistakes.

Fake Video Calls

‘If they won’t video call they are a scammer…’

This is what victims have been told for such a long time and in part, some of this holds true. However, with advances in technology the scammers now have a way to build trust further.

Once upon a time they would hold a phone playing a video of the supposed person (there are usually plenty of snippets available on the person’s social media or better still stories, which then disappear) to the camera on a laptop. It was really poor quality but with an excuse for this being bad internet (including it cutting out after a few seconds) it was sometimes enough to convince the victim that the moving person was really on the other side of that screen. Military scams used this particularly well as victims are being told they in remote areas. Now, apps are available to create ‘prank video calls’ which are relished by the scammers to create a better quality experience.

There are tutorials everywhere (click here for one). Scamming made easier with the help of technology. (Please ignore BJ Campbell’s comment, who is not the person you want to be online dating with as he thinks fake video calls are invaluable).

However, the scammers cannot yet make the video answer questions  you might pose but voice overs are getting better so look out for the lip synching. An advantage for them is that scamming someone with a different language makes this all the easier.

This has become an essential part of the game and tutorials on how to do this is one of the services offered in the groups.

 

Also available are voice changing apps for the scammer to be two people at once or a child. Ivory coast scammers use village children to talk to clients as they already speak French but when convincing a client what a good mum they’ll be or a child asking for help or wanting to come and live with you, for English or other languages, the voice changer works for them. Technology is getting better all the time and depending on the size of the group (and the money to access better technology) the better the quality will be.

Collecting the money

Things will usually start small. Asking for gift cards of various descriptions has become the normal as a tester for the scammers. They then exchange the gift cards for cash with a ‘reputable’ hustler for Naira or other currency.

Amounts asked for may increase along with the story posed by the scammer. The various scams within ‘romance fraud’ have been mentioned in Part 1. (read here if you haven’t).

Now enter… ‘The Loaders and The Pickers‘

Romance scams, can be stand alone scams however, the victims can also be part of something much bigger.

Yahoo boys do not just ‘dabble’ in extorting money from vulnerable people looking for love.

Business email compromise (BEC).

This is a much larger fraud where scammers are defrauding businesses by setting up bank accounts where money is unknowingly transferred by organisations on request of a fraudster posing as the CEO to these accounts in their control. The starting process for these phishing scams and spamming comes from Russia and Eastern Europe, who sell leads to the Social scammers of West Africa. That scratches the surface, the sums lost are in the billions.

Where do victims of romance fraud come in? These huge scams need to have the money they exploit, cleaned before it is sent back to Africa and the fraudsters. Money mules are used to do this. These mules (Pickers) have several roles.

Some will know exactly what they are doing and paid for the job. They will often be resident citizens in the country being exploited and work for a percentage of the ill gotten gains. These criminals will set up bank accounts, PayPal accounts, any other digital cash transfer accounts using stolen identities (courtesy of other phishing scams including Romance Scams, where they are collecting all and every scrap of your details) and also send cash directly to other mules.

Most of these applications and organisations have criteria to block accounts being opened by the likes of Nigeria or money sent to these countries, so they have become creative in how to get the money back to them. It also means the trail of the stolen money is made ever more difficult to trace, if not impossible. Large sums of money also meet criteria for investigation by the likes of the FBI, the scammers know this, so stolen funds are split into smaller packages, ‘The Loaders’ then load accounts with the funds ready to transfer.

In some cases, several mules will be used to transfer the money from one place to the next. However, every time a mule is used, the scammers lose a cut of the money.

Romance scam victims can be used for free.

Built into those stories created by the scammers will be opportunities where victims are asked to ‘look after some money’. Some victims wont ever be asked for money themselves, just occasionally doing a favour for the guy they fell in love with when he gets stuck while working abroad. These victims become unknowing money mules (Pickers).

 

The Loader and Pickers are used across a wide variety of scams. They will be called on when needed. The Loaders tend to take the biggest cut as their job is most risky.

Many processes are being tested for ‘cashing out‘ . Gift cards remain a favourite because it removes the mules and the scammer gets a bigger cut of the money. Apps such as Cash App are liked for their ability to convert to Bitcoin which becomes untraceable, however with Bitcoin and other digital currency being banned in Nigeria and other West African countries, they are on the look for new processes constantly, so the game is always changing. AliPay is used in China, Zelle within businesses. New apps are out all the time and they will find ways to exploit them. People like this will show the scammers how to use them:

 

In Part 3, what happens when the scammers are caught out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Come and join the pages!

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been absent on here for a while except for answering emails but that doesn’t mean I’ve been absent from continuing my work for this cause.

The website is proving difficult to display all the scammers I am exposing so I’ve been working on other ways to warn others of these on other platforms and they are on every platform…more on that soon.

So, I’ve set up a Facebook Page: @catchthecatfish

An Instagram Page: @catchthecatfish123

You Tube Channel

Twitter also has the videos: @AnnaRowe123

Please come and subscribe to your preferred platform to see daily posts on all things relating to Catfishing, Romance Fraud and other scams.

Kind regards

Anna

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Quick Lessons – Reverse Image Search

Reverse Image Searches

This profile is fake. It’s easy to do a reverse image search which sometimes shows you who the real pictures belong to.

Not every picture on the profile may give results so it’s best to try a few.
These pictures show the process to discover who the pictures have been stolen from.
Reverse image search apps and platforms include:
Yandex
Google image search
Tineye
Bing
If you don’t get results from one then try another. The platforms use different search parameters for the images
                 
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Quick Lessons – Financial Scammer Catfish Red Flags

Financial Scammer Catfish

Red Flags
  1. They don’t want to voice call as you will hear their accent and bad English. There are exceptions and these are French speaking Africans from the Ivory Coast. They pose as Europeans and also use the children to talk to victims.
  2. They don’t want to video call. There are exceptions and this will usually be a recorded video which they have stolen with the pictures. They will play it to the camera and claim bad internet connection when they can’t answer questions.
  3. English will be poor and broken. You will see mistakes in grammar and sentence structure. It will seem ‘off’.
  4. All scammers have a sob story. This gives them opportunity to gain your sympathy and build a bond. They will also have many troubles they need your help with.
  5. They will often claim to be military, doctors or some other trust worthy profession. They will also claim to be working out of their home country. Key words on profiles will be honest, trustworthy, loyal, caring, looking for love, widowed, divorced, God fearing.
  6. Photos may have been photoshopped to hold your name as ‘proof’ it’s them. Also, but not always, the photos they have stolen may appear in reverse image searches. There are lots of free apps or platforms to do this. Google image search and Yandex are some of the best.
  7. After building your trust, they will test the water by asking for either a small sum of money or i tunes cards etc. Larger sums of money can follow as well as requesting phones and SIM cards.

 

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Quick Lessons – Types of Catfish

Types of Catfish

Financial
-Romance fraud. The most common tactic of financial scammers. Creating an online romance for the purpose of extorting money.
-Sextortion. Creating an online romance to extort intimate images or videos for the purpose of blackmailing the victim. These images can also be used to trick other victims into sharing their own.
-Marriage fraud. Initiated online through social media and/or dating platforms. These scammers look for the biggest end game of marriage, visas, and every other benefit that comes with it.
Personal
-Some catfish have terrible self esteem issues and find it easier to communicate with others though a fake identity.
-Revenge by tricking an ex or someone they hold a grudge against into a relationship to cause hurt and embarrassment.
-Jokes. This can seem like a good joke but can have dire consequences.
-Cybersex. Some men who would ordinarily be voyeurs in public places, choose to engage in collecting images from victims online by creating trust and the exploiting them. No money is involved here, just sexual gratification for the perpetrator and humiliation for the victim.
-Offline Personal Catfish initiate the relationship online, creating trust and then come offline to meet in person, continuing the deception through their fake identity.
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We crossed paths in a support group. J’s experience of a Catfish.

This email arrived from ‘J’ before Christmas. It had me in tears and her words stayed with me all day. This eloquent and heart felt account of the reality of victims of Catfish tells of the emotion spinning manipulations endured at their hands. Thank you so much for sharing this J. It will help others so much knowing their feelings are not unusual.

I sought first to understand with an open mind, wanting to believe the best in you. Wanting to believe the picture you still paint for me.

But I also read and heard one story after the next, about men and women who have been devastated by online fraudsters.

And the ones about love-bombing catfish, who devise scams for money, really hit hard for me.

Many of those victims I learned from have spent years searching their scammers alias online, as they try to move through the impact their predator had on their lives.

But I simply can’t do this.

I am already exhausted.

There is no justice in a world where you pretend nothing happened, while I wait for you to admit that it did. It’s time to move on for me.

This is my letter of truth. One that I hope will also demonstrate to other men and women who have been through the emotional abuse of being deceived and exploited for someone else’s gain that, just because their offender will not admit what they have done, and just because they believed the lies they were fed, does not mean one has to forever question their reality or live with this alone. We are not losing our minds: gaslighting is a real manipulation that can fool anyone. It can make you distrust your own instincts.

I wish I could just walk away and say I should choose who I let into my life better, but your ruthlessly calculated and deceptive pursuit of me, and effort you go about hiding all of it mean you must start behaving better.

I get that the worldwide web and social media remain poorly regulated, but that doesn’t give me or anyone else permission to find ways to exploit that.

And this is certainly not how I wanted to handle my closure, an honest and fully detailed apology from you would have sufficed while I waited for you to repay me. The fact that you are intelligent enough to operate at the level you already do offers plenty indication and hope you could succeed at other opportunities for scratch, it makes me wonder if you’ve ever heard the saying “an honest days work for an honest days pay”.

I know now there are others like me at varying degrees, who I would never ask to take up the task of being so loud at hand towards you.
It is precisely the attempts to downplay what I tried to confront, convince me I am wrong which brings me to this letter. I am writing factual truths here, and will accept any legal ramifications that would result from what I have said in this letter.

This is not the type of writing someone in the throes of “psychosis” or loss of sanity would create. People don’t just run down their hall and throw up upon learning the truth about their relationship with someone. This is real.

We crossed paths in a support group. Intended to be a safe place for communicating about the moments or events people struggle with in their lives. Now I know support groups have become places for catfish or other fraudsters to take advantage of vulnerability. To hear of someone’s most intimate struggles, while at the same time knowingly inflicting more pain onto them… for money.

There is not one decent excuse for that.

And yet, you have used my struggles as a weapon against me, exploited them as a solid “pray for her” she is crazy out of her mind backstory. But I care more about preventing women from being fed through your grinder, than I do what they think of my sanity. At the end of the day I have helped others avoid being tangled up before they could thank me. Even one beautiful, trusting and caring soul left feeling confused and alone with a smaller bank account is too many.

It was upon learning the version you tell, as to why I was reaching out to women, that I finally realised you are still working harder at keeping these secrets hidden than you are at finding an honest way to rebuild.

Kind, nice people treat others as they would like to be treated. They do not make up having the same interests, or fabricate information about themselves in order to get women to think you are like-minded persons for selfish reasons. They don’t pretend they are unmarried while just returning back from their honeymoon.

You had a preface to your game: do not be resentful or spiteful. Never lie to you. Don’t fight with you and don’t hurt you. Many of the rules were broken from day 1 while you had already waged an undeclared war on my human psyche. But now we talk about repentance and forgiveness because it is convenient. My actions to those I have hurt, who deserved better, is what it means to make things right. Not words.

Before I learned there were others, while my reality was based on your reactions, it was hard to believe my recount of events… of things I heard and felt and saw with my very own eyes. So I’m being serious when I say excuse me in advance if not everyone who reads this has encountered you at this level. But I know what happened to me. And I had to investigate and fight so hard to uncover what I knew was true but was told by you I was inaccurate about. Down to scientific facts.

At best, you made a very premeditated effort to deceive and manipulate a woman capable of offering money to you. At best, you made a joke out of my hopes and dreams and personality. Maybe you thought that a Scarlet letter would shame me from reaching this point. I am not ashamed of being human with emotions, and at the time, a profound naivety that led me where I am.
I like to think you have chosen a temporary deplorable career path. But that doesn’t change the reality that I type this as one of your victims, and there’s no more time left in me for silence. What looks to you as harassment and stalking is a victim desperately searching for answers. Trying to take back their human dignity in knowing that this was never about them.

One of the more harsh and impactful damages that result from being victim of an online romance fraud is this perceived loss in the value of humanity. A sense of isolation, fear, shame and humiliation all at once, in moments where it used to seem intuitive to open up to other people. Now there’s an incessant nagging level of self-doubt…that I will miss some sign of a predator in disguise and my naivety or poor judgement will cause me to regret an introduction to a new face. There’s this need to recover without the closure to begin.

Until today.

But then again maybe God has put it on my heart to stop you from this… and to help others do the same, should they find themselves duped by a con artist who thinks they can do and say anything to exploit what they want in life. – J

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Victim Abuse: The after effects of speaking out.

Your Story

Claire shares her story of adult grooming and abuse.

The Theatre of the Mind

I tried to download a dating app yesterday. It was on my phone for 30 seconds before I deleted it.

Lovebombed

Last Autumn, I met a man online who made me love him like no other. He was intellectual, academic, caring, funny, attentive and romantic. Our early conversations were so rapid fire that he was taking the words out of my mouth before they came out. We spoke for hours daily by phone.  It was breath taking. He took it slowly, gently, knew me better than I knew myself.  Now I know why. He’d researched.

Indeed, the ‘getting to know you’ period lasted so long that I eventually ‘friend zoned’ him.

That spurred him into action:  before I knew it I was meeting him at Platform 8, Waterloo Station. His face lit up when he saw me. This slightly cuddly, endearingly ordinary man captured my heart. I almost ‘loved’ him before I met him. He was my mirror, but the bit I liked, for the first time ever.

You hear about women who give everything up for someone they’ve never met. I’d never understood, regarding them as a bit silly, a bit needy. Yet here I was, one step short of it. Mr W, ex Royal Navy, academic, navigation expert, ex-pat living in Rotterdam, had turned me to jelly. We snogged goodbye like teenagers. He went off to a Naval ball at the Honourable Company of Master Mariners, and I headed home with a head full of him.

Our next date was due to be in Paris, but the weekend came and went – he had to work. He wanted to put me up in the New York Hotel in Rotterdam, close to where he lived so that we had an unpressured date. That too never materialised. To be honest, I’d assumed we’d do every other weekend there or here in the UK. It was a million miles from the practical, close-by relationship that I’d sought, but I talked myself into the benefits. For a while he was my closest friend.

He was hating his job. I was wanting him here. Our communication was so intense that I eventually told him to back off a little. He sounded hurt.

He became the centre of my life. I started leaving time free for him, just in case, taking his calls just before leaving for the gym and missing much needed classes.

Our next date was London. Unsure about taking our relationship up a gear, I booked an apartment rather than a hotel so that we had the option of separate beds. I knew I’d made a friend for life, but needn’t have worried. We laughed into bed and the world vanished. For a perfect couple of days we wrapped ourselves together, emotionally, mentally and physically engrossed in our escape from reality.

Coercion and Control

It was the first time I saw him lie, really coldly, convincingly, to his boss that he was getting a supervision for his PhD, when in fact he was tucked up with me and had given up his PhD. He won’t be the first person to bunk off work, but it struck me at the time how easily the lies tripped off his tongue.

Reality for us was harder outside the bunker. He hated his job in Rotterdam. He was getting less attentive, but that honeymoon period intensity couldn’t be expected to last. At least, that’s what I told myself as he apparently spent Christmas with his mother on a cruise in the Balkans, during which time he couldn’t be in touch. His relationship with his mother was, he claimed, complex. He was secretive about her. Apparently, a spurned ex had once turned up on her doorstep.

I gave up a business I’d been working on, a passion that had burned for years. I finally had the money to invest, but he persuaded me that it was too big a risk and we’d never get any time together.

In January, he bought me a flight to Rotterdam, and we were to have our first weekend date. All our other ‘trysts’ had been week days.  I was suspicious, about how he was making me feel, shabby, needy. I explained my feelings to him and he blamed my good friend for poisoning my mind.

Eventually he threw in the job. A leadership expert, he told me he thought the management at Simwave was shoddy. However, he was going for Chartered status at the Honourable Company of Master Mariners as a boost.

I was angrily told that I couldn’t go to the ceremony with him, that it was a silly little paper signing, and I was dispatched to Rotterdam to wait for him there. 

We’d both initially had tickets for later flights, but his job loss meant he brought them forward to give us more time together. I was now on the earlier flight, he was on a later one. I knew deep inside, despite having sent me a message from a gin bar the week before that he was warming up for my visit, that he wasn’t coming. But I had a ticket and accommodation at his expense. I’d never spent much time in Rotterdam, so went anyway. Sure enough, he didn’t turn up until the following morning. He’d “missed his flight” and apparently stayed in a very expensive hotel at the airport.

His communication started faltering. 

Eventually I called time, sure he was living with someone, especially as he had now moved back to the UK, jobless, but only ever managed passing meets. On Valentine’s Day, he came over from his mother’s in Essex with a bunch of garage flowers, but had to get to Portsmouth to catch a ship for ‘Navy Reserve’ duty that evening. The timings didn’t ring true.

Punishment

Eventually he talked me round.

It was easy. I’d been out with an ex in the gap, and it just wasn’t the same.

Mr W understood me. I accepted I was nasty and should have accepted that he had a thing about his mother. We had some bridges to build, and I was going to have to demure. Despite being unhappy at his mums, we couldn’t live together because he’d apparently married his second wife within six months. But, promisingly, he wanted me to hold off buying my little Spanish bolthole. He was going to buy it with me. We would have our little place away from the World.

Despite being conscious of some cruel things he did, I was feeling increasingly bad about myself, and spent days helping to research jobs for him, preparing presentations, to make amends.  Yet still deep inside feeling a niggle, I hired a private detective to find out what was really going on.

Eventually, two weeks of being ‘ghosted’ by him, worrying about the cancer he purported to being tested for, and having completely omitted to acknowledge my birthday despite having left it clear for a promised weekend in Paris, seven months of relationship ended with a little email about how difficult his life was and he had no more time for me. I replied that I was sorry, that whatever our relationship had diminished to, I was grateful for the good bits.

I was relieved.

The truth

It was too late to call off the investigators, they’d started work: he was living with a woman near Fareham, in a house he’d supposedly rented out. I sent him a choice text and moved on. To stop anyone else getting duped by him, I posted some of our pictures up on Facebook, a rare ‘public’ post, pointing out his marital situation and where he was living – not in the mess on a naval base or with mother.

The man had no more loved me than a politician kissing a baby. Awful truths started to crawl daily out of the woodwork. Alan Ayckbourn would be hard pushed to make up some of it, especially the Master Mariners event, where at least three women had wanted to attend. But the sadder stories were what he’d done to his family. I was just one in a string of women that he’d groomed into relationships.

I had consented to a physical relationship only after extracting an explicit promise of him being unmarried and not dating anyone else. That he had a clean bill of sexual health. He had lied to obtain that consent, was married, had multiple other partners simultaneously, and  had lied about his sexual status, putting me at risk.

My reward for loving Mr W was planned suicide (fortunately not acted on), a police harassment notice, and now a civil law suit because his wife claims to have suffered enough to need three months off work. He apparently bears no blame for this. It’s my fault for naming him.

I am no longer the person I was. He’s eaten at my self esteem. I doubt I’ll ever date again. How can I? The only person I’ve loved in over 30 years was never real, just a mind game.

Looking back through our conversations for the police and for my solicitors, he laced the clues,  lured me in to hurt me. He won the mind game.

Grooming is very different from an affair. Mr W only ever wanted me to break my own moral codes, to use his “theatre of the mind” to push my boundaries. I am shamed that he succeeded, in more ways than I’ll admit here.

But I’ll use that shame and disgust to make sure that people like him – men and women alike, are no longer allowed to hurt others legally. My explicit consent matters as much as money. More.

Too many victims end up further victimised when they speak out. He, meanwhile, and others like him, continue to re-offend with impunity.

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How the hell did this happen to me? How ‘Adult Grooming’ works.

The most unexpected part of sharing your story, a story which has been soul destroying, bewildering, humiliating (these are just touching on the adjectives to describe how I felt)  is the reaction from others. Some just don’t get it.

Mixed reactions from friends, family, work colleagues, all who know you and the type of person you are. People who may or may not, have the capacity to understand that they cannot judge what they haven’t experienced first hand.

Trying to explain to them what happened when you’re not really sure yourself. Still fighting with the voices of your own judgement and trust, as the truth becomes clear, and you’re left with this crazy spinning question…How the hell did this happen to me?

It was the counsellor I was seeing, after I discovered the initial catalogue of lies, that explained to me about the behaviours of Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths. She knew quickly my personality type was to research things to understand, in order to accept. She sent me off with homework to research further these personality ‘disorders’. This was the start of my awakening. It was my saving in respect that it made clear how I ( I’m not stupid, naive or a bimbo) had fallen prey to our Catfish.

I had been groomed. It doesn’t just happen to children.

How do we know that these groomers (not those using the same behaviour through scripts for financial fraud)  are of these personality types?  Even tiny amounts of research come back with the answers:

  • these individuals feel entitled
  • they do not have conscience or empathy
  • they are incredibly convincing liars and manipulators
  • they show no normal markers for lying
  • they can cry on demand to make stories more convincing
  • they are naturally charming
  • they use mirroring to build trust
  • they need constant new supply to satisfy their addictions (online platforms make targets easily accessible)
  • they only choose targets that show qualities that they themselves lack for 2 reasons (many good, kind individuals are empathetic to others and ‘to learn responses’ from good morals, ethics and kind behaviour)

These groomers are not men/women seeking an affair from a tired relationship or marriage. There will never be ‘just one woman/man’ that they are seeking comfort or excitement from. These individuals are premeditated and meticulous in their approach. They are constantly grooming multiple targets at any one time. They need a constant new supply as at some point, they will tire of, or exhaust the relationship or the mask will have slipped and they get exposed.

Many people won’t even know they have rubbed shoulders with one. The lesson? Don’t judge the victims.

Ann Silver MA describes in this simple and succinct blog-how to spot one of these individuals.

‘How to spot a sociopathic liar’ by Ann Silvers MA

Creating elaborate lies for their own gain with no care about who gets hurt is a hallmark of sociopathic lying. Sociopaths are compulsive pathological liars.

Sociopaths lie without conscience.

That means that they can look you right in the eye and lie to you and not show the usual markers that would give them away.

It also means that they don’t care about collateral damage.

They get their mind set on a goal and they will make up whatever they need to in their attempts to achieve their goal. It doesn’t matter what the consequences are to others as a result of their lies. It doesn’t matter if other adults get hurt and it doesn’t matter if children get hurt. It doesn’t even matter if their own children get hurt.

What is a sociopath?

(Note: I see sociopath and psychopath as the same thing. So, the answer to the question, “What is a psychopath?” is the same as the answer to the question, “What is a sociopath?”)

One way to define sociopath: Sociopaths are parasites.

Like other parasitic creatures, sociopaths need a “host” for survival. They are on the lookout for strong, healthy hosts. When they find a suitable host, they latch on, and aren’t satisfied until they have sucked the life out of the person who has had the misfortune of becoming their target.

When we think of sociopathic people, we most often think of those that kill. But sociopathy can be put on a continuum from zero to Jodi Arias. On this continuum, everyone past the half-way mark is going to cause problems for people who come in contact with them. As you move along the continuum of sociopathic behavior, the perpetrators become more and more destructive.

Some sociopaths (such as Jodi Arias or Scott Peterson) physically kill their targets. Others kill their psyches, financial health, self-esteem, reputation, ability to have another relationship, or their spirits.

The diagnostic manual used by mental health professionals uses the term Antisocial Personality Disorder to designate a pattern of attitudes and behaviors we commonly call psychopathy or sociopathy.

Being without conscience and enjoying lying are two key elements of sociopathic personality. These elements go hand in hand in that sociopaths’ lack of conscience means that they can lie without showing the normal markers of lying. That’s how they pull people into believing their lies and get away with as much as they get away with. They are so practiced at lying that they respond to being caught in a lie by creating a new lie. It is very difficult to pin them down. Their lies tend to be complex and detailed.

Education is protection

According to Martha Stout, author of The Sociopath Next Door, 4% of the population is sociopathic. That is 1 in 25.

We bump up against sociopathic people in our neighborhoods, workplaces, and grocery stores. Those of us who are particularly unlucky partner with one or have one in the family.

To protect yourself and people you care about, it’s worthwhile studying these people and learning what to watch out for.

The characteristics of sociopathic lying

Some of the sociopath characteristics make it extra easy for them to get away with their lies.

Sociopathic liars:

    • lie without conscience
    • don’t show the normal markers of lying
    • don’t care about collateral damage
    • are very practiced manipulators
    • make up new lies as cover stories if old lies are exposed

Sociopaths can:

    • be very charming
    • bring up crocodile tears (fake tears they can conjure up at opportune times)
    • extract people’s sympathy
    • use detail in their lies to be convincing

Why do they do it?

People so often grapple with “Why?” Why do they do it? Why would anyone make up such a lie?”

When they can’t see a good “why” answer, they often conclude “It makes no sense for them to lie about this, therefore it must be true.”

I’ll tell you why. It’s a simple answer really.

Sociopaths lie because they perceive some gain from the lie.

The gain to the liar may be:

    • control,
    • power,
    • prestige,
    • glory,
    • money,
    • winning an argument,
    • punishing someone they see as an adversary,
    • getting someone out of their way,
    • undermining the credibility of someone who could expose their lies,
    • notoriety,
    • an ego boost,
    • demeaning or humiliating others,
    • an opportunity to practice their lying skills,
    • enjoyment from pulling the wool over people’s eyes,
    • sympathy,
    • protecting their previous lies,
    • creating an illusion of who they are, or
    • getting something they want.

Remember, sociopathic liars don’t have a pesky conscience to hold them back and they don’t care about collateral damage. All they care about is their self-centered gain.

Sociopaths abuse their romantic partners.

Not all abusive people are sociopaths, but all sociopaths are abusive.

Read here about Love Bombing Part 1

Read here about Love Bombing Part 2