Romance fraud victims have always been treated with contempt, belittled and held in the opinion of most (including those that should know better) as naive and gullible. The comments stamped out on a keyboard by the general public, towards those brave enough to share their experiences, inevitably have the tone of a bully, lashing out their vitriol towards those who found themselves broken in ways they never knew they could be.
So what it it about this particular fraud that makes those who may not have experienced it, so utterly vile towards those that have? Let’s break it down.
Victims of this fraud have many qualities, being stupid, naive or gullible are not those. There tends to be common trends of qualities yes; kind, empathetic, trustworthy, respectful, generous with heart and feelings and wanting to help others. What incredible qualities these are in a human today and certainly the sort of people you want to have around in your life, no?
So why are these exact qualities used as a way to victim blame and bully those who were targeted and exploited in these frauds, for holding these exact qualities as a natural part of who they are?
Don’t you think the victims do enough victim blaming of themselves?
In addition, there is often a trend of vulnerabilities which can be from past experiences, lack of self worth, culture, education, upbringing and even thinking this could never happen to them. Situational vulnerabilities can also play their part, such as being in a new place or country with no support network around you.
Now let’s turn to the victim blamers.
We have little to no respect for anyone who is willing to judge another without educating themselves about the issue at hand first, but then reading things on social media or in the news for example and just believing that at face value is a poor human trait.
Lack of education is definitely one of the major factors in victim blaming because people really don’t understand the complexities of these frauds. We know this, because having talked to many, many people who started with this attitude, when we start breaking down the fraud, the process, the manipulations, the technology, directing them to the academic research on the language used as well as the backgrounds and past experiences of some of the victims we have been privileged to help, there is silence. Silence is all we need to know, that they really didn’t understand about romance fraud at all. No, it isn’t some stupid sucker who handed over money to someone they didn’t know. Society can learn, just like the victims do.
Media and those who share stories or advice, in the main, use language which is inherently victim blaming. Headlines will read,
‘Women gave her life savings to someone she never met when she fell for whirlwind romance.’
Instead, the headline should read,
‘Criminals targeted and exploited victim in a coercive, emotional fraud.’
We should be discussing these frauds with language which puts the blame solely with the criminals where it belongs. People don’t fall for crime, they are the victim.
Is it any wonder then, that these frauds are escalating at a rate faster than any other? Reporting is critically low at between 5-14%. The issue here is not just to do with previous lack of action from law enforcement, who battle lack of resources and a budget of just 1% prioritised to a 40% UK crime statistic but as much to do, with ignorant people who display aggressive societally created behaviour towards these victims. This behaviour silences and isolates victims and further empowers the criminals.
How do we change this?
We educate as many as we can (victims and society) so that the stigma disappears, awareness and reporting increases and the criminals finally start to take the hit.
People who are victims of these frauds, didn’t know these frauds exist. Every human being is made up of a set of unique DNA and experiences, out of their control. It’s these factors that will ultimately shape whether the fraud works on them or not and to what level.
And to those of you that want to keep blaming victims, remember that blaming others is just to make you feel better about yourself. Or is your disdain at those who were manipulated in this type of fraud actually just to convince yourself that you’re not going to be next?
Yahoo boys or Gee boys have their hands in with many scams. New ways of making quick money are being tested all the time and once something is found as successful, it will be shared amongst scammers in their world and used by everyone-they are known as ‘updates’.
Here are some of the current, popular scams to look out for:
Sugar Daddy/Mummy(Mommy)/Baby Scams
Social media profiles will be set up for Sugar Scams.
Scammers will use anyone’s pictures for these, they don’t need lots for the long game. They will be surfing for any profile picture on any profile to fit the bill. Some groups do love the beautiful Alexandra Rodriguez who is often used as ‘Mommy Heather’.
These scams work by drawing in people who are financially strapped with the premise of being ‘spoilt’ as a sugar baby. I’ve seen these pages target students too. How do the scammers make money? They tell you there is an attorney fee to set up the agreement. Not only that, they will collect your details of Cash App, PayPal or other ‘to pay the money to’ where they will attempt hacking for other scams. ‘Formats’ (in Part 1) are available to the scammers for these scams.
Grant Scams
Grant scams are ongoing and take advantage of any situation going on in that country, or world at the time. The current pandemic has been a blessing for the scammers in many ways. Bottom line here, no organisation handing out money in grants is going to randomly contact you over social media or ask people to contact others for them.
Always do your own research, do not click the link, message the email or text the number they give you. This holds for any text, email or phone call you receive. These details are pre-planned fake websites or call centres (they will reroute home country numbers which are readily available thanks to new services). You will simply be following their scam process. Always put your own search in and get a number/email independently.
They are collecting your information for identity theft (Social Security Numbers, National Insurance Numbers, bank details, phone numbers) and in the process getting a fee to set up the grant payments.
Google Voice Scams
Scammers need phone numbers to execute their scams. They need numbers in the countries they want to scam in (or open bank accounts or other in), not phone numbers from Africa. Historically, they will ask victims to send Sim Cards and phones as part of the Romance scam. Pickers will be in place to take shipments before sending them out to Africa, unless of course the story from the scammer has put them there. How else can they get them?
Fortunately for scammers, there are now multiple ways. Electronic numbers can be got online through many apps but only local to your country-step in pickers and other victims, but also through Google Voice. Registered phone numbers are far more valuable to scammers as they will be accepted for opening bank accounts and other benefit system frauds.
One way scammers use Google Voice is to scan the likes of private sellers sites such as Craig’s List and Gumtree. They look for items for sale with a listed phone number, the scammer will text asking if the item is still available. On getting a response, the scammer will say they would like to check ‘you’ are not a scammer and say they have put your number through a checking app to check it’s a legitimate number with no bad debt etc listed against it. An OTP (one time password) will be sent and victim asked to please forward the code or screenshot, to them to verify the information.
What you are actually sending is a password to hand over your number to the scammer on Google Voice. Once in possession of that number, the scammer can use it to open online bank accounts and also access lots of other numbers.
This process is used in other scams too. Don’t ever send an OTP to a stranger (or any one you have never met or know in person).
Cash App Scams
Cash App along with Zelle, PayPal, Venmo and others offer immediate transfer of funds to another party.
Private seller scams
Using private sellers lists again, scammers will contact in response to an item they claim to wish to purchase. Once agreement is made, funds need to be exchanged. If cash app hasn’t been used before by the client, they have an upper hand advantage from the start.
Cash app only allows transfers in and out of the account for a limit of sending $250 per 7 days and receiving $1000 per 30 days. Increasing these limits only happens through verification of your identity.
Scammers will claim the account limit needs to be increased (expanded) for the transaction to take place due to limits. They claim this can be done through the app by ‘building’ the limit between buyer and seller. Emails are sent from a fake customer service website to confirm the instructions along with notification messages and alerts.
Emails and notifications are passed backwards and forwards to build trust with the victim.
Note the .ng domain address on the website/email. This is Nigeria.
Here the victim instructed the postmaster not to release the parcel until she gave conformation of the payment being credited to her account. The address the package was to be sent to was in New York. This will have been a picker, hired by the scammers knowingly or unknowingly (employment scams, romance scams, paid mules) to collect the package before passing it on to Nigeria. Unfortunately the post master sent the package before confirmation.
The scam continued:
The victim did not send any money or gift cards but a few days later the scammer taunted her by showing the Fedex delivery tracker and a video of the Nigerian holding her ring. They tried again to get more money saying the ring could be returned if she paid for shipping.
She showed the scammer all the evidence I had found of the fake account and the stolen identity of the elderly lady used in the scam. It’s with the police but unfortunately she is very unlikely to see any of her money or possessions again.
Other Cash App scams
Cash Flip and Prize Giveaways are other common Cash App scams.
The businesses do offer this service to customers for promotional purposes on occasion and the scammers are quick to jump on these situations to extort money. More on these two Cash App scams can be found here
Please only ever contact these apps for support through the in app contact system. Too many scammers have very well thought out fake websites and call centres to look like the real thing.
Puppy/Kitten deposit scams
Many of these scams follow a similar pattern, the subject of the scam will simply change so that they can maximise the opportunities to exploit. Puppies and Kittens create a good opportunity for money making in scams, especially when advertising as a quality breed.
I should say here that scams using Puppies and Kittens for scams are abundant in all countries, carried out by heartless criminals who are out to make fast money without thought to the welfare of the animals. You should always seek advise from a vet for a registered breeder or preferably get a pet from a rescue as there are plenty needing homes.
Here, I am concerned with the type of scam conducted over the internet, where the animals are simply virtual and do not in reality even exist.
Fake websites and social media profiles are used to set up these scams.
One is shown here.
Things might not look wrong on first look, bar a gramma mistake on paperwork’s’.
However, the fact this profile messaged first and just a simple search on the pictures, shows this for what it is.
A key phrase here raises red flags. ‘I’m a good and sincere person.’ are words used in romance scams to build trust.Always screen shot a few images to run through a reverse search. The results can save you money and heart break.The reverse image search showed that the image has been taken from the internet. These puppies are not for sale.
As the scam continues, the scammer may even send a video (taken from the internet), then a deposit will be asked for. Using Cash App or other, details will be passed and funds transferred to secure the puppy or kitten. The money is lost and the scammer disappears.
Landlord/Rental deposit scams
Using the same technique above, the scammers will watch legitimate websites for properties going up for rent.
They create private listings with the pictures but with the monthly rental price at a significantly reduced rate. They will claim that they previously had the property with an agent but the fees were too high so now they are renting privately. The agent is just being slack removing the listing.
Documents can be replicated to share and build trust before asking for the deposit to be paid. The old saying goes here, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
The deposit and likely first month payment will be asked for in advance as is common with property rental. Scams like this have been found targeting students in particular who are looking for a good deal on limited money. This money will be lost.
Always use a verified agent or meet the person face to face with full identity when venturing into these transactions.
Employment scams
Scammers will get onto college websites or even websites for single mums and similar. Email extractor tools are used to extract the emails registered on that website. The scammers will then bomb the emails with adverts for part time virtual work and work from home opportunities.
The wage is paid by fraudulent bank transfer or cheque in excess of the agreed wage. The picker will announce the mistake and ask for the extra paid money to be returned via gift card or other.
By the time the ’employee’ realises from the bank that the original transaction was in fact a scam transaction, the picker and the scammer are gone.
This method of extracting money is used across the scamming world including call centre scams, but this type- often technical support scam will gain access to the victims computer through screen share software to make them think the bank transaction of a refund has actually gone through at a higher rate and needs to be returned.
Hacking accounts
Scammers do business, and part of that business is hacking accounts, all types of accounts.
Older Facebook accounts are really popular with scammers because of many reasons. One, they look more authentic than a freshly made account with the joining date being historic on the profile. Two, ready made friends list who may or may not be close to the real owner. Three, these older accounts are mainly created in a country not on the ‘watchlist’ and are much harder to get removed through reporting. These accounts are offered for sale in the groups.
How do they get these?
As said previously, Romance Scams are not always about instant money. Sometimes the scammer is focused on collecting facebook accounts or other information for other scams. Sometimes they will come at a victim from more than one perspective, as different identities, to collect more and different information. When money isn’t asked for the victims tend to trust more but the scammers are just as dangerous. They will be building trust and ‘phishing’ for your details for identity theft and other things to earn them money.
Hackers may create the same narrative with a victim and even send them their own bank details with login (of a fake account) to show their trust and love for a victim (or friend). They might use this as a way to get the victim to send a One Time Password (OTP) alert maybe of a ‘login from another device’ from information such as a phone number or email used to access and sign in to a facebook account or email account. The victim will be told it’s to verify their number or email with the bank. The victim sends it to the scammer and the scammer has the password to verify themselves on the social media account or email etc..
The scammer can then change passwords from inside the account settings and lock the victim out.
If an email has been hacked, the scammer will now phish for other information useful in scams. Some of these scams will be for bigger fraud such as online benefit applications where the scammer has collected the required information for submitting a claim in that persons name with their personal details. You can read more here about this kind of fraud.
Other hacked accounts include Sporty Bet accounts where pre loaded cards are available for using.
There are many more scams that are constantly evolving from ones like these. Please be very aware of any one that contacts you or deals that seem too good to be true. Never click links or give a One Time Password or verification code to anyone you don’t know personally. Never use given phone numbers or web-links to confirm what you are being told, always do a search yourself for these numbers, emails or contact details or access the contact us section within an app.
When a victim realises what is going on, maybe a friend has broken through the conditioning instilled by the scammer or they have come across other profiles with the same pictures or completed a reverse image search, they will likely confront the scammer.
The scammer will not take this laying down and just go away.
Guilt will be heaped on the victim to start with. ‘How you can you not trust me after everything we’ve been through?’ are words all victims will hear. ‘The scammers have been stealing my pictures for years, I just don’t know how to deal with it anymore, now they’ve taken you too.’
When this doesn’t have effect, they can turn nasty.
Sextortion. If intimate images have been extorted (male or female), the blackmail will likely ensue. Blocking their number won’t do anything. scammers have untold amounts of numbers for any country at their disposal from other victims and other scams (more later) and the victim will likely be bombarded. This does depend on the experience of the scammer and the size of the group they are working in.
New identities will randomly start connecting and contacting, threats of posting your pictures online, sending them to family and friends unless money is sent. Never think sending them money will stop them-it will bait them to blackmail you more. The Australian authorities at Scamnet have produced an excellent advice document for incidents where this happens. I send it to victims I talk to all the time. You can read it here.
Facebook also offer a service for non-consensual sharing of images that have or have threatened to be shared on their platform. You can find their help here.
There are several follow up scams that the scammers will try. Don’t become a repeat victim. These scams are the most popular but by no means the only ones they will try and things evolve constantly.
Scam compensation services. A contact will offer compensation to recover lost money and, or catch the scammer to get justice for their wrongdoing. This maybe headed up by ‘law enforcement’ organisations or ‘private investigation’ style companies. These are also set up as pages on social media. Do not be fooled. These do not exist.
Fallen in love. The scammer will sometimes state that they fell in love with you through the scam. They will say it’s never happened but the connection with you was too strong. They will send their real pictures, finally make that video call, say they wish they could turn back time and start a fresh now that he’s been honest. They have introduced victims to family. Their only aim is to get a visa out of there and more money.
Medical emergency. Some victims have had calls with a crying scared ‘family member’ claiming the scammer has tried to commit suicide due to the guilt felt from the scamming. Can you help with hospital costs. Having thought you were in a real relationship with this person and the fact they target kind and empathetic people in the first place, the temptation to believe this can be strong. Don’t.
Wife Beater. Some victims have reported that a woman calls saying the scammer is their husband and that she is being beaten, especially after his failure to continue the scam with you. She will say she wants to escape and asks for help to do so.
Facing jail. Some victims have reported that the scammer or a friend calls to say they are facing jail. They know they have done wrong but now the family they provide for face poverty because they will not be there. Can you help to pay the police to let them off.
Money Mule blackmail threat. Scammers have been known to load the victims bank account with funds after they are caught. they will then threaten to inform the authorities you are a mule, if the money isn’t sent back via Bitcoin or gift cards. Victims panic and sometimes do as the scammers ask.
The suckers list.
Scammers will put your details on a list of people who have been willing to chat, taken money to look after (unknowing money mule) or part with money. You will find the fake accounts keep finding you.
Here are some tips to break the cycle.
Change your phone number and email
Come off of social media for a few weeks and on return, change your profile pictures to new unknown ones. A name change, (variations etc) where possible and user name change where applicable.
Make sure your profiles are completely set to private including past profile pictures and photo albums.
Ensure that you report your fraud to the relevant authority for your country. Although rare, there are occasions where enough evidence is reported for investigations to take place and arrests are made. For you to be inline for any share of money recovered, your name needs to be on that list of victims. Local police are really not interested and too many victims report being laughed at by these officers. It is not ok and shows their ignorance at the sophistication and emotional manipulation that can come with these scams.
Here is a list of web-links to report your fraud in your country. If your country is not here, let me know and I will try and find or for you.
Things can feel really really dark and hopeless after an experience with a scammer. Facing reality is sometimes too much and many victims can feel suicidal. You are not alone. There is always someone to talk to. It’s important to know that you can come and chat and not be judged or feel ashamed about what has happened to you. The hardest step is acceptance and letting go. The next phase is the fight back. We don’t let them win.
In Part 4, where your information can be used and other scams of the Yahoo Boys.
Scammers will nearly always come up against a client who has started to mistrust through the process. It’s then time to put more effort to regain trust before the chance to exploit has gone.
In the past, the only options available was some very questionable photoshopping. However, technology advances at speed and for good or bad, these scammers will utilise this to their advantage.
Editing Services.
As the scam progresses, trust issues need to be resolved when doubts arise, especially when money has been asked for. This is where the editing services step in. Some will pay/trade for an experienced editor to do this for them, others will have a go themselves. Results may vary…
The editors not only create fake Id’s and photoshop images with a required note, they also create legal documents, plane tickets, invoices and other things needed to continue the scam and exploit the victim.
Taking it further
Fake websites will also be created where a link can be sent to the victim to back up the story being told, with Linked In profiles to match. Click these links to see what they are like:
This fake website used ‘up for rent’ properties found on the web as their contact addresses in both England and Canada.
The phone numbers and emails are attached to the scammers for authenticity. This website is likely shared with Ivory Coast Scammers who have French as their primary language and often claim to be from Quebec.
Wiki pages have been created as well to back up the information wanting to be recognised by the scammers against the real person’s history. The Wiki pages which mimic the real ones in appearance, will have the link sent to the victim who then believes they are looking at a real page.
English speaking ‘clients’ may recognise grammatical and spelling errors but unfortunately scammers target everyone and those with English as a second language or even using translate are unlikely to pick up mistakes.
Fake Video Calls
‘If they won’t video call they are a scammer…’
This is what victims have been told for such a long time and in part, some of this holds true. However, with advances in technology the scammers now have a way to build trust further.
Once upon a time they would hold a phone playing a video of the supposed person (there are usually plenty of snippets available on the person’s social media or better still stories, which then disappear) to the camera on a laptop. It was really poor quality but with an excuse for this being bad internet (including it cutting out after a few seconds) it was sometimes enough to convince the victim that the moving person was really on the other side of that screen. Military scams used this particularly well as victims are being told they in remote areas. Now, apps are available to create ‘prank video calls’ which are relished by the scammers to create a better quality experience.
There are tutorials everywhere (click here for one). Scamming made easier with the help of technology. (Please ignore BJ Campbell’s comment, who is not the person you want to be online dating with as he thinks fake video calls are invaluable).
However, the scammers cannot yet make the video answer questions you might pose but voice overs are getting better so look out for the lip synching. An advantage for them is that scamming someone with a different language makes this all the easier.
This has become an essential part of the game and tutorials on how to do this is one of the services offered in the groups.
Also available are voice changing apps for the scammer to be two people at once or a child. Ivory coast scammers use village children to talk to clients as they already speak French but when convincing a client what a good mum they’ll be or a child asking for help or wanting to come and live with you, for English or other languages, the voice changer works for them. Technology is getting better all the time and depending on the size of the group (and the money to access better technology) the better the quality will be.
Collecting the money
Things will usually start small. Asking for gift cards of various descriptions has become the normal as a tester for the scammers. They then exchange the gift cards for cash with a ‘reputable’ hustler for Naira or other currency.
Amounts asked for may increase along with the story posed by the scammer. The various scams within ‘romance fraud’ have been mentioned in Part 1. (read here if you haven’t).
Now enter… ‘The Loaders and The Pickers‘
Romance scams, can be stand alone scams however, the victims can also be part of something much bigger.
Yahoo boys do not just ‘dabble’ in extorting money from vulnerable people looking for love.
Business email compromise (BEC).
This is a much larger fraud where scammers are defrauding businesses by setting up bank accounts where money is unknowingly transferred by organisations on request of a fraudster posing as the CEO to these accounts in their control. The starting process for these phishing scams and spamming comes from Russia and Eastern Europe, who sell leads to the Social scammers of West Africa. That scratches the surface, the sums lost are in the billions.
Where do victims of romance fraud come in? These huge scams need to have the money they exploit, cleaned before it is sent back to Africa and the fraudsters. Money mules are used to do this. These mules (Pickers) have several roles.
Some will know exactly what they are doing and paid for the job. They will often be resident citizens in the country being exploited and work for a percentage of the ill gotten gains. These criminals will set up bank accounts, PayPal accounts, any other digital cash transfer accounts using stolen identities (courtesy of other phishing scams including Romance Scams, where they are collecting all and every scrap of your details) and also send cash directly to other mules.
Most of these applications and organisations have criteria to block accounts being opened by the likes of Nigeria or money sent to these countries, so they have become creative in how to get the money back to them. It also means the trail of the stolen money is made ever more difficult to trace, if not impossible. Large sums of money also meet criteria for investigation by the likes of the FBI, the scammers know this, so stolen funds are split into smaller packages, ‘The Loaders’ then load accounts with the funds ready to transfer.
In some cases, several mules will be used to transfer the money from one place to the next. However, every time a mule is used, the scammers lose a cut of the money.
Romance scam victims can be used for free.
Built into those stories created by the scammers will be opportunities where victims are asked to ‘look after some money’. Some victims wont ever be asked for money themselves, just occasionally doing a favour for the guy they fell in love with when he gets stuck while working abroad. These victims become unknowing money mules (Pickers).
The Loader and Pickers are used across a wide variety of scams. They will be called on when needed. The Loaders tend to take the biggest cut as their job is most risky.
Many processes are being tested for ‘cashing out‘ . Gift cards remain a favourite because it removes the mules and the scammer gets a bigger cut of the money. Apps such as Cash App are liked for their ability to convert to Bitcoin which becomes untraceable, however with Bitcoin and other digital currency being banned in Nigeria and other West African countries, they are on the look for new processes constantly, so the game is always changing. AliPay is used in China, Zelle within businesses. New apps are out all the time and they will find ways to exploit them. People like this will show the scammers how to use them:
In Part 3, what happens when the scammers are caught out.
As I research more on the new scams that are surfacing, I stumbled across some groups on facebook. These groups with variants of the title ‘Yahoo Boys Association’ became the hub points of my disbelief and horror, not only that Facebook are openly allowing these to even exist but the content which showed me the inside life of scammers. These scammers in particular being those from predominately West Africa, home of Yahoo Boys.
The name ‘Yahoo boy’ came from the original 419 email scams that emerged on the inception of this form of communication, Section 419 being the Nigerian cybercrime law which makes internet fraud a criminal offence. Most are not worried about this law however as the police are mainly ‘hustlers’ themselves, so a scammer revealed. Other names are ‘Gee boys’ and ‘Sakawa Boys’ as known in Ghana.
It became more obvious than ever, that whatever size you think this industry might be, you need to think bigger. Much bigger. Then you need to multiply that by 100 or more, that might start to scratch the surface.
From the posts in their groups I’ve researched their ‘offered services’ and scams where advice is sought for getting money from any snippet of information they get their hands on. Some of these will seem obvious however, many will not. I’ve done the research so you don’t have too.
The Smooth Talkers
Most of you will know these. These are the front line scammers that talk directly to the targets. They call you clients. To them, this is business. They will initiate conversation in many ways:
Friend requests followed by messaging on any social media (Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, Tik Tok etc)
Direct Messaging on any social media without requests (as above)
Dating platforms-paid and free
Messaging through ANY chat facilities on ANY online platform including games such as Wordzee, Scrabble, Song pop etc
Replying on public posts to comments as way of connecting to something said.
As a scammer’s job it’s known as ‘bombing’.
Many whose English is poor will use formats, another scammer’s job. These are pre-scripted conversations designed to suit any situation the front man (or group) either chooses to use for bombing (dating, military, oil rig/construction/contractor/civil engineering) or the process they have chosen to use to extort money from the client.
Screen shot taken from a You Tube video, where tutorials on scamming are abundant.
Introductions will be copy and pasted on mass to as many targets as they can keep track of. You’ll notice if ever you happen across one that asking them a question not within the predicted script can prove problematic. Construction, Engineering (marine, oil gas), Oil rig workers, UN workers and the never ending Peace keeping missions in Syria of the military, all have their own formats. There are others but all come attached to a sob story of being orphaned themselves (or far to far away from any estranged family member) widowed/ divorced with a child (or two), wife/husband killed in a car crash ( as might have their parents) or died of cancer (or covid) for example. Of course, this means you will become the only person they can trust and turn to.
The more experienced scammers with a good grasp of English are far more plausible and far more dangerous.
You will inevitably be asked to move with speed, onto Hangouts or What’s app (as the favourites) but don’t think offerings of other chat apps are safe. Many are venturing to use Viber, IMO, Signal, Line, KIK, Telegram, ICQ, Skype chat. The loud message is, if they ask you to leave the platform for another facility, there is an ulterior motive. This is mainly to avoid losing the client when their profiles are deleted but also to avoid detection through app algorithms picking up key words, the client noticing them still online after the professed amazing connection and other women making loving comments on the pictures. They will often say they have deleted the profile because they have met you but in reality they have blocked you.
Depending on the size of the group the scammers are working in (either for cartel/mafia-esque style groups, smaller groups in the village or city, as a friendship group or individuals) will depend on how the scam continues. Some will do most of the process themselves, most will work as a team, allowing whoever does each particular part of the process best to take over when needed. Some groups or individuals will have the required skills to not enlist the help of others (which can cost them or they have to trade for that skill). These services are sold or traded within these groups. When the scammer feels it’s time to test the water (which can be ridiculously quickly or surprisingly lengthy and by this I mean there have been some I know have talked for over 3 years without being asked because the experienced ones will just listen for a hint of a story where money may finally be mentioned or be using them simply for and unknowingly laundering money) the next phase kicks in.
‘Billing’ (the client) the term given to the format speech used to extort the money also comes in many forms, ranging from I Tunes and gift cards of many types-STEAM and Green Dot being the latest trend, to fees of the boarding school for their child, who they have no other choice but to send there as they are in the military etc. This is also a ploy used to launder money, asking if money can be kept safe by ‘the client’ until the fees are due, then asking it to be passed on. Investment formats for billing in a new or expanding business are also used. The scammers will go to great lengths to make this look real (more later in taking it further). For military scams this may be for requesting leave, early withdrawal from the tour, supplies.
Package/consignment scams are very popular where a bogus package is reported as being sent and the client is to pay for any import taxes due on receipt and for shipping in the first place. The package may be reported to be presents for the client or receipt of possessions of the scammer’s fake identity. Plane tickets for the longed for meeting are another way to extort money within the romance scam. You will, prior to this, have been bombarded with attention and affection, even potentially had flowers, pizza sent to you (great for getting your address and building trust).
Again here, the experience of the scammer to read the situation and adapt will be the clients downfall. New hustlers won’t always be so lucky and ask for help in these groups:
Others will offer ‘Yahoo Plus and Yahoo Plus Plus’ services to help them on their way…
In Part 2, 3 and 4, how they strengthen the deception. How they use other information collected through the game to continue to scam and what happens when they are caught out.
I’ve been absent on here for a while except for answering emails but that doesn’t mean I’ve been absent from continuing my work for this cause.
The website is proving difficult to display all the scammers I am exposing so I’ve been working on other ways to warn others of these on other platforms and they are on every platform…more on that soon.
Can the person you’re talking to tick these boxes?
Photos look real and do not show up on a reverse image search. If the photos look too good to be true, they probably are!
Happy to make a voice call. A phone call identifies that they are from the country they say they are (and with an accent that matches).
Happy to video call and/or meet up in person. Remember if it’s the real person behind the pictures they have nothing to hide.
Check identity through an online search. Most people have an online footprint. Be an investigator.
Does their story sound ‘normal’ ? If their story sounds ‘off’ or has any red flags such as working abroad/military/has problems occurring which they need help for/asks for money- you need to block.
The connection should move along at a normal pace. Does the ‘relationship’ seem to move very fast? Do they tell you they have feelings very quickly? They feel they’ve found a soul mate? It’s another scammer tactic using ‘love bombing’. If every thing else checks out and they still use this final technique then it’s likely a narcissist (steer clear of both!).
Military men are seen as saviours. Good, trustworthy men.
Working in another country on tour gives perfect cover for a scammer to not be able to phone or video call ‘for security’ reasons. It’s a dangerous job which gives opportunity to create emotional stories to real you in and hook you.
Real military men DO NOT set up social media profiles to chat with women or men. They will never ask for money.
Look at these pictures for clues of scammers.
YELLOW : Using an officers name and /or pictures.
RED : Look for key words-honest/simple/god fearing/divorced/widowed
GREEN : Grammar-there will mistakes. English is poor.
BLUE : Follower/Following is often very different. Following from the account is on mass to attract followers.
Where I am today is far from the place I was in January 2017. A qualified teacher, then working as a 1-1 TA, fresh from the discovery of my abuser and now, working with law clinics and amazing people who have come into my life from this experience and more importantly helping others who have shared similar experiences.
My world was turned upside down when I discovered the man that I had been dating wasn’t who he said he was. I had put my trust in this sad excuse for a human being and he had abused me in every sense.
As my story began to unfold, the gravity of my experience started to become clear. It was fate he met me though, and me him. I’m a firm believer that ‘everyone meets for a reason, what ever that reason my be’.
After discovering who he really was, my emotions took a deeper spin. This man had made me the other women, something he knew had been my worst experience on the other side of the coin. I loathe cheats. Not all Catfish are married though, it’s a behaviour adopted by many for their own gratification.
Having been hurt so much by the experience and finding it difficult to come to terms with, as there was no closure to have, I needed to turn it around into something positive. I needed to make sure people knew about this and more importantly to try and stop this from happening to other people. The law is a mess and archaic. The police have no training in areas of anything emerging. Something needed to be done and this was what I needed to do, for others and myself.
After a lot of research and thought, the petition was created and with the help of some good friends, a local paper said they would like to publish my story as a warning to others and to promote the petition. The other hope, was that others may, if the publicity was good, alert other women who had been in contact with him. I knew there were more but I didn’t know who or how many.
What happened after that first local paper article couldn’t have been predicted by anyone. On a personal level it lost me my job by a judgemental and incredibly inhumane headteacher and on the other hand it sparked a global press release. In the first few days the national press picked up the story and ‘woman number one’ came forward. In the next five months his victim numbers were growing and currently sit at twelve. Exposure of this behaviour through TV, radio and more articles for magazines was becoming widespread and so was the number of messages I was receiving from victims of other Catfish and from some Catfish themselves.
This part for me was the hardest.
The support side was overwhelming. These are the people this has happened to as well, and they know without question, what it is like to be manipulated and emotionally abused as just a start to the effects of this experience. This is just the door opening and ground work a Catfish does to enable them to use you for whatever motivates them personally whether financial fraud, sexploitation, personal sexual gratification through pictures and videos, drawn from the victim after trust has been built and in our case, actual physical sexual exploitation. These people get it.
The flip side of this is the realisation that thousands of people are experiencing this every year and they are too scared or humiliated to talk to others for fear of judgment from the morons who know no better. Thousands of people are having their lives torn apart by these degenerates who trawl the internet for vulnerable people to exploit and everyone of the platforms, be it social media or dating, are giving them a helping hand. They are free to create full fake profiles and abuse who ever they want without fear of penalty or justice to their victims. There is no justice.
This realisations never hits as hard though, as when your mail pings or you look at messages on your petition to read that another life has been lost due the lack of responsibility for human life by yet another exploiter and also the platforms that have allowed it to happen by not enforcing the terms and conditions that their users are meant to abide by.
Last year I heard of an 18 year old lad, who gave up on life after being catfished by a girl. You can read Mitchell’s story here . This was the first suicide victim I’d heard of.
The latest victim just a few weeks ago, a 28 year old man. His family broken by his death, left numb and in disbelief at what has spiralled from his experience with a catfish. The family are raw at his loss and it was a 14 year old girl, set up as a 19 year old online that finally ended this man’s belief in the world. He had ended the initial encounter when he realised something wasn’t right but the butterfly effect of this behaviour some months later meant he was investigated by the military and accused of things he shouldn’t have been accused of. Two days after taking his own life his family were told the investigators had discovered she was a Catfish and had been playing many a game with many military men- but it was too late for Mike. His family are grieving but do not want his life to have been in vain. When they are ready his story will be told.
At 14 years old, this girl should not have even been on dating websites-but how much responsibility will this platform take for Mike’s death? None.
So my question is:
What’s with not having verification? What are the ‘pros and cons’ of being who you say you are? Blog to follow.
Before you embark on your journey into the online dating scene, there are a few precautions you should take. Some seem blatantly obvious, some less so but whatever the case, it’s got to better, to be informed and safe, than sorry and not safe. Under each numbered point here, I will give a reason for why this is important in Italics!
Until now, I’d never been much of a Social Media junkie. All I had was my Facebook account and that was limited to close friends and family. I barely used it, didn’t have the time or energy to post lots. Everything was set at private except the profile pictures, or so I thought….
1. Ensure your social media is ALL set to private (and only have showing, general info, on your public viewable cover pages).
My Facebook, as an account was all set to private. I had made sure it was when I set it up years ago. What I had missed over time was, that the likes and groups I followed after this could be seen.
When I started seeing ‘Antony’, he seemed to like so many things that I did. For example, we both had a crazy love of our childhood favourite TV programme ‘The Waltons’. We used to watch old episodes of this when he came to see me. He claimed his sister Liz was named after Elizabeth and was glad his parents hadn’t named him ‘John Boy’ We also discussed our love of ‘Only Fools and Horses’. We seemed to like the same music too.
When I found his Facebook, being a bit nosey and doing a little check, despite it being private (and he said he didn’t really use his much either) sure enough, there were likes for some of the things I liked too, as well as things he had told me about his work etc… there was even a website for ‘wedding packages’ at an Italian resort. OMG was he really serious when he asked me to marry him! I hadn’t told him I’d found his Facebook account so I was shocked to see this!
When I discovered that ‘Antony’ wasn’t who he said he was and I got a friend to unfriend me and look at my profile, my likes were clearly showing. He had found me too (he never said either) and I’m 99.9% sure that he had researched and written down things I liked as a method of grooming to make it seem that we were ‘meant to be’ with all the things we liked the same. It wouldn’t have been too hard for him to do this. Over the 3 months before we met in person, he had built trust for me to tell him my surname. My profile picture was the same as one on the dating app and he knew (not my address but) which city I lived in. I’ve never had a big digital footprint. The most I had ever appeared on a ‘google search’ was an electoral roll search for 1 year.
2. Photos. The worst bit for me. I hate having my photo taken.
My library of photographs (of me) was about 4. I had one from a year previous and my Facebook profile picture that I had used for 5 years and then the others were silly. One of me in a wheelbarrow as a kid aged 7 (showing I could be a ‘tom boy’ too) and another when I had a horse.
These had to do. I wouldn’t take ‘selfies’ it made me feel sick and there were no others.
Looks wise these weren’t an issue. I haven’t changed looks wise from the ‘adult me’ pictures. They were as good as they were going to get and a fair representation of me. My children were not in the pictures.
What these may have done was give ‘Antony’ the impression I had money. Not the wheelbarrow, the horse. I had actually had to sell my horse when I got my first mortgage and a husband. Couldn’t afford both (should have kept the horse). Later, after the press, 3 of the other women had horses in their profile pictures and/or dogs. There is a famous quote by Immanuel Kant that says “He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals.” Was our groomer using the inclusion of our beloved pets in our pictures, as a guide that we love others more than ourselves? Did this make us a better target? (What is really quite disturbing, is that he had this exact quote on his ‘real’ Linked In page when I discovered his true identity. Like many of the other likes of quotes like these, it is all part of his ‘mask’ for his family, friends and colleagues).
I’ve read too that having a photo of you in your house (with a lot of background showing) can help a groomer read you and your situation. Books you read on show behind you can have the same effect as the Facebook likes or Followers/Following list on Instagram. No ID tags with name and work place showing or proudly showing off the sign painted vehicle, advertising your new business or fancy car with your registration showing! Be wary of what you are showing people other than yourself.
Try to have a recent set of photos just for the purpose of this dating profile. That way, no one can track you by doing a reverse image search on your photos which may identify you at your work Christmas party where you are tagged on a friends public social media page (for example). Also, what is the point of starting off with a lie? You are who you are and be proud of it.
3. Choose a suitable profile/user name (if it’s not generated from your Facebook profile-which will not be a fake one set up for this purpose).
Again here, choose a name that you do not use on any other Social Media. That way, a search of that user name will not bring up your profile on any other Social Media search areas, where you could then be open for grooming again (or stalking). Make sure it is appropriate and not too flirty/suggestive if you want to attract the right kind of attention.
4. Word content and ‘selling yourself’.
Most important is DO NOT INCLUDE ANY PERSONAL DETAILS OR INFORMATION. Most sites have an algorithm that prevents you from entering emails, other user names or phone numbers but be sensible and don’t try to cheat it. The same goes here as photos as far as safety. Don’t discuss work places or company names and definitely not details of your children. Be honest about what you like and what you are looking for. Do be realistic and try to avoid cliches. If you are finding this bit tricky, ask a friend to write it with you or for you.
5. Finally.
Do a dummy run on yourself by looking at the profile you have created (or get a friend to). Run the Google image search/TinEye reverse image search on your pictures, take areas of information in your wording and do a search on the internet to see if anything comes back to identify you with your user name or first name if generated by Facebook. Most people are genuine but there are too many now who are not. Be safe.
.
. 